Forever in PJ's.

You know how I know that my standards have changed since I had kids? There is only one picture of me on this blog. In it I am wearing turquoise pajamas. I like to think that no-one has noticed that because they are feasting their eyes on the gorgeousness that is my new born baby and her adoring big sister.

When I say "changed" I really mean deteriorated. It's inevitable - all the baby magazines warned me - my hair would live in a pony tail, I would consider sweat pants to be appropriate for everything except weddings. I think at some point I was supposed to return to my previous standards. My baby is four now - is it time?

I only ask because my friends are doing things like Brazilian blow outs, Botox and well, Brazilians. I am doing showers and make up for special events. Does it really matter? In my heart I know the answer and the answer for me is no. What matters is how I feel. How healthy I am. How my self esteem and confidence are. That's what I tell my girls - why would I not apply it to me too? Of course if looking polished is a part of that - that's fine too.

You know why this whole topic came up? BlogHer12. I am not at BlogHer12. Go pour yourself a nice drink while I take a break to go wipe my tears. Back? Good, me too. WHY AM I NOT AT BlogHer12????

This is where my standards have dropped in a way that IS unacceptable. I learned after teetering on the precipice of depression that can come with parenting that I need something else in my life to balance the mountainous challenge of parenting full time. For me that something else is writing and blogging. To be inspired and motivated I need to connect with my community in real life. That's what these conferences provide to me. Mentoring, fun, friendship, independence. Oh independence I miss you the most.

I sold my BlogHer pass because few of my besties were going. It wasn't an entirely bad decision except for one small detail - I could now be kid free in New York City for four days. So you can continue to look at my turquoise pj's but I am off to look for another conference or trip that will nourish my soul and maybe force me out of that pony tail and sweats...