Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Stuck In A Moment.
Saturday was the first rehearsal for LTYM San Francisco. Life has been throwing me some curve balls lately so the thought of checking out of my regular life was highly appealing. I was positively giddy as I drove there. I couldn't wait to hear the other stories. I was excited to meet the other performers. I was simply happy to be spending a morning being me - not mom.
Often when you build something up in your mind or are looking forward to something so much it turns out not to meet expectations. This was one of those glorious times when my expectations were forgotten as I was absorbed by the experience.
Last year at BlogHer I read at the LTYM lounge organized by Ann Imig. It was, by far, my favorite event at BlogHer. Just listening to people speak their words, told from their hearts is magical. It's your favorite movie live - in front of you. So, I knew this rehearsal was likely to be good.
In all the excitement of getting to listen to the others read - I forgot I would actually be reading. As the woman two before me finished reading, the realization hit. I'm not shy, I quite like an audience but this doesn't stop the nerves from coming. I had just listened to several heartbreaking, side splittingly funny, intelligent, clever or witty stories and now it was going to be my turn.
When you are safe in your home with your laptop - spilling your guts onto the keyboard it's relatively painless. If you do the ugly cry, no-one is there to see it. You can take your snot covered , blotchy face into the kitchen and cheer yourself up with a cookie (or two.) As long as you don't look in the mirror, you can continue to picture yourself as tragically beautiful. Even if you are posting to your blog - you still get to sit protected behind a screen. Not so here in this room with twelve strangers.
Even although I had listened to the others express their nerves and anxieties. Even although I had murmured reassurances and rooted for them as they read, I still hadn't considered how it would actually feel when it was my turn. Here's what I learned. Opening your heart and revealing your deepest secrets is an experience everyone should have. Even as I had to keep taking big deep breathes to steady my nerves. Even as I had to pause to make sure I could get the next sentence out. I knew I was having 'a moment' (is that phrase owned by Oprah now?)
I left that room feeling more alive than I have felt in years. If there is a LTYM event near you - I really hope you'll go. Listen and then consider sharing some of your story with strangers - who just might turn out to be friends.