Making It Fun.

I'm feeling better. I'm out of pain. It's like a fog lifted.
I have more energy. I'm not sad.

Suddenly my two year old is delicious again.
She is making me laugh with her crazy antics, I love her sweetness and kisses.
I miss her when I'm not with her.

The seven year old is delightful, silly and loving.
She and I have long chats about everything from evolution to Barbie.

It is such a relief to want to be a full time mom again.
To be enjoying it.

Then someone sent me these:








So beautiful. So funny and creative. So cute.

I had one of those lightbulb moments.
Being a mom is about joy. It's about having fun.
It's about making it fun.

I had forgotten.

We Interrupt This Presentation.....

It has been my intention to store a few posts for the times when I am too tired, too busy, or as is currently the case, unwell.

There have been times when my head is so full of posts I could have written three or four at one time.
Like I say it was my intention.

I have been in a lot of pain. I have been putting every ounce of energy into being a nice mom.

My preference would have been to check into a facility where I could have daily chiropractic and acupuncture treatments.
Maybe a massage after my nap. Someone serving me delicious meals.

Instead, I have been trying to find original ways to avoid picking up or carrying the two year old without hurting her feelings.
"Uppie. uppie, uppie" is her favorite phrase. Sitting on my hip is her favorite place.

I have been exerting an enormous amount of effort into not being cranky. (Mostly unsuccessfully.)

I am trying to retain a sense of humor about it but really it's exhausting.
Motherhood has never challenged me more.

I am stuck in a trap. I need to put huge effort into looking after myself.
I need to look after the children regardless.
It feels like it's all on me.
I want someone to look after me for a change.
Parenting is all about giving and because you'd do anything for your children it feels OK, even good to do it.
Most of the time.

When you are sick or (temporarily) disabled it is just an endless chore and I do mean endless.

I am just clinging to my mantra -
This too shall pass.

Funny posts are in my future - hang in with me and thanks for all the supportive comments.

Pain In The Neck.

I have a sore neck. A very sore neck.
It's an old injury from head trauma which was exacerbated by breast feeding.

On Christmas Eve my neck went into spasm. I needed to see a Chiropractor.
It was Christmas Eve - no one was available.

I made it through the holidays in an alarming amount of pain and immobility.
Me and my little pal - ibuprofen.
I told the girls I was debilitated. I *might* be a tad bit cranky.
I asked them to understand and be gentle with me.
They looked at me blankly.

On return I crawled to the chiropractor.
The news was grim. Various tests showed my neck is in very bad shape.

Some of my pain and loss of movement is likely permanent now and the treatment plan adds up to over $2,000.
I also need to go several times a week for six months.

I don't know about you but I find parenting in pain is not easy.
Two years olds in general see the neck as something to swing on.
In addition, I feel downright fed up about it all.

However, I am a glass half full kind of gal so I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, pulled out my credit card and signed up.
I need to be pro-active.
I can't let this get any worse.
I don't want to be only able to look at my feet when I'm sixty.

Trying to fit in three sessions a week is tricky.
It's quite the juggling act.
But we're doing it.
The husband and I have re-organized several things to make it work.
It's a full team effort - just to get me there, three times a week for 30 minutes.

Today the Dr. asked me how my body was feeling after all the adjusting we'd done so far.
I explained that I've been feeing very tired.
"Normal!" she proclaims.
"You'll likely feel very tired - especially after todays adjustment, go home and get lots of rest."

I am still laughing.

This Is The Place Part Two.

Did I give the impression I did not enjoy the holidays?

I did.
There were many golden moments.
Lots of super cuteness.
Cuddles, gratitude and love.

The holidays just seem to heighten everything.
At a time when most people get vacation. I don't.
In fact I get two weeks of overtime as there's no school.

I made my bed - I'll lie in it.
I just might whine a little while there.

This is the place.
The place where I get to say that I have been a full time mom for nearly eight years now.
I have had a grand total of six days away from my children in that time.
Otherwise I have worked 7 days a week.
My days are usually about 14 hours.
I am always on call.

I think this is when I'm supposed to assert that I love my kids.
I don't feel the need to.
No matter how much you love your job - you have bad days. Days when you want to quit.
Days when you call in sick just because you can't face going in.
Vacation.

Motherhood doesn't come with those perks.
Burn out is inevitable.

That's where I am. I will make the changes that I can to get past this.
I know that this too shall pass.
I know that toddlers only stay two for one year. Three is easier than two.
Four is plain sailing.

I know that some people juggle a job and their children.

I will enjoy this more when I'm not so tired, when I look after myself better.
I also know that out there, thousands of moms are in the same place I am.
I know that being honest and saying that right now - it's not so great - is what I need.

Thanks for listening.

Hardly Festive.

The holidays are hard.
I'v heard it said time and time again these past few weeks.
My voice included.
Why is that?

First of all - there is absolutely nothing holidayish about the holidays.
They are a gargantuan amount of work, with teeny tiny bits of relaxation in between.
I did very little hosting or cooking this year and I was still completely overwhelmed.

I found myself wishing it was over by about December 23rd.
Then I fell into a deep guilt pit as I remembered that this is my children's childhood and it is REALLY important that I try my best not to muck it up.

We visited Santa on the 23rd so that I could ask him to lecture the girls about getting up at 5am every day in anticipation of his visit.
I actually had the nerve to spoon feed Santa my words so he could indoctrinate my children on my behalf.
Is that as bad as it sounds or just really clever use of the big guy in red?

I remember being so excited I couldn't sleep. I remember watching the clock crawl at a snail's pace as I willed it to be time to get up and see if Santa came.
I remember - but it doesn't make me any more sympathetic now that it's my kid's turn to be frantic with excitement.
I just want them to sleep until it's daylight outside.

My head feels full. So many things to remember, plan out, do.
Every day the list seems insurmountable.

Then in a flash the presents are open and the food is eaten.

I have a deep dislike of anti-climax.
It makes the weeks of preparation and work seem futile.
It's depressing.

This year I had a grand idea.
(There should be an uh-oh in your head about now.)

"Let's take a vacation!" I say.

"Great." says the husband.

Now the smart thing to do would have been to go to Hawaii with the rest of the Western United States.
Nothing kills post Christmas stress disorder faster than some Aloha! spirit.

Here's where the uh-oh comes in.
I elected to take us to Yosemite Valley in an RV.

A 22ft long, eight foot wide, tin can with an engine.
Two adults, two children, four feet of snow and -17 degree temperatures.

I put the vast majority of the contents of our house in it.
I cooked all week.
I emptied it and cleaned it when we got back.
Then I had to do the laundry - two full days worth of snow gear, warm clothes, linens and towels.
Yes, the husband helped but this is my story.

I have a special talent for jumping from the frying pan into the fire.
For choosing nature and adventure over spa and pampering.
When my body, mind and soul are screaming out for rest - I choose sledding.
All in the name of getting it right for the kids.

The holidays are hard and one day I will stop making them harder.