Monday, May 4, 2009
I have had a lot to say about guilt. I know that it comes with the territory but it really spoils the fun of parenting so I was really hoping to get the upper hand.
I think I might have to (reluctantly) accept that I'm not winning.
Just to keep things interesting - yesterday I experienced a new guilt.
Yesterday - I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.
I'm going to give you a moment to absorb the absurdity of that.
I hadn't been feeling too well and some sweet friends offered to take the six year old for a playdate. Usually, the husband and I pride ourselves on our 'family' weekends. It's our time to hang out together. We felt that we could make an exception and let the six year old go.
It was heaven. Cue guilt. Only, it didn't come.
We sat around reading and resting while the baby napped. We went for a leisurely lunch. The baby is easily occupied with a bagel for a solid half hour - so we actually ate our lunch and chatted.
We went to the food market and it was fast and easy. No six year old lingering in the cereal aisle. No questions. No guilt.
Then I realized how much I was enjoying myself. How lovely it was to be a trio. To have time for the baby. No questions.
Aah - there it is - guilt for not feeling guilty. I feel I should be missing my daughter and I'm not. I think we might do this again. Next weekend would be good.
This guilt I can handle - maybe I'm winning after all.