When I was in college, I used to decorate my drab apartment walls with cards and postcards. One of my favorite was a picture of a 1950's housewife with a thought bubble declaring "Oh My God! I left the baby on the bus!" I thought it was hilarious. If you're familiar with the Law of Attraction - you might guess where I'm going with this.
For the record, my second kid was much wanted, much anticipated and is much beloved. I have been enjoying second kid syndrome. I am much more relaxed. I feel (a little bit) like I know what I'm doing. Tears, diaper rash, bruises and fevers are not nearly so intimidating. I have loved being able to just be with this child without constantly looking for something worrisome.
I have also taken many less photos, shot much less video and forgotten to write down the date she achieved milestones. In my new incarnation as a mother who is not going to feel guilty (all the time) I have realized that this is OK.
But then I left her in a shop.
It's true. I left my beautiful, sweet and tiny baby in a shop. I called for the five year old and boldly strode out the door.
In my defense, I had the husband with me. He didn't get her either. We also didn't get more than a few steps down the street before I said "Where's the baby?" Scarlet faced we rushed back into the shop. There she was blissfully unaware of her abandonment. Sitting in her stroller looking at the nearest shelf of interesting things.
I cried. I beat myself up for several hours. I ranted, about how WE WOULD NOT fall into the trap of complacency. That second kid syndrome was a choice and we were not going to make that choice. My husband wisely got me coffee and a scone.
I am a second child. So is my husband. We both turned out OK. As long as I don't keep leaving her in shops - I'm sure the nine month old will too.
Did I ever happen to mention the time I locked Sweetpea in the car when she was about 18 months? I stood outside the car singing her songs while she looked at me worriedly, until D arrived with our second set of keys.
ReplyDeleteAnd she's my first-(and only) born.
Go easy on yourself, my friend.
too funny :)
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to know that we are not perfect! At least your baby will not remember it. :) Have a great week.
ReplyDeleteAll my boys say they've been left, but I think they are seriously mistaken. I've never left them anywhere. There dad is another story! He's the one who did it!LOL
ReplyDeleteFirst off - I LOVE your blog! I'm subscribing in my google reader right this minute. :-)
ReplyDeleteSecondly - I'm a second child, too.
And finally - my mother has told me that I was once left in a shop AND I also once fell on my head after she left me on a kitchen countertop unattended. I turned out just fine and your daughter will too, so don't be too hard on yourself!
Here from SITS. : )
ReplyDeleteI was left behind (allegedly by mistake) several times as a kid and i turned out... Nevermind, don't use me as an example. :p
He he.... don't take it to hard. I imagine it's very, very easily done!! Especially when stressed. It's when you leave the child behind on purpose that people get a little judgemental!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteLBM xxx
LOL! Reminds me Home Alone where they didn't realize Kevin was missing. But don't worry about it at least you realized it a few steps down the street instead of 1/2 way home.
ReplyDeleteWhoops! I'm guessing your momentary lapse won't result in any permanent damage! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely something I wouldn't tell that kid about--what she doesn't know can't hurt her! Good thing you realized she wasn't with you so soon. I could easily see how this could happen if your child was quiet and occupied.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your SITS day!
Great story. I can totally see that happening! My kids are just so loud all the time, no store would LET me leave without them. LOL! Definitely following you - great blog!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day!
HAHAHA! Glad mine are so noisy! Shop keepers barely let us in, much less leave them. But I understand the Mom guilt.
ReplyDeletelol, it hasn't happened to us yet, but I say "yet" because I'm sure it will! I know what you mean by everything is a little less worrisome with the second!!!
ReplyDelete(sits)
Oh yes, this is a great post. Once, my DH was watching our 3yo as he returned the stroller at the mall (Well I thought he was watching him) Unfortunately DH didn't realize and when he returned out little one had just wandered off. It was horrible, but we caught up with him and all turned out fine. That is only one story.... I think I have a story like that for all four of my kids. ;~>
ReplyDeleteI haven't had this happen yet, but I'm sure that day will come eventually. Once, my mother left me in Sears, when I was around 5 or 6 years old. We were shopping as a family for a new fridge, my parents picked one out, paid for it, and headed back to the main floor to leave. Meanwhile, I was playing in the chair gallery with the recliners. They got all the way to the car before they realized I wasn't with them. I think I turned out pretty OK, so I'm sure your littlest one will be just fine. And for the record, I was the third child, the last child, the child 17 years after the first child. :) Great post!
ReplyDeleteI think that we've all done, or almost done this at one point or another!
ReplyDeleteI've often had nightmares that I am going someplace and once I get there, I realize I left one of my children home alone. It's so scary because I'm always far away from home in my dream. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you are a wonderful, loving mommy.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the time we were at a family reunion and my sister was coming back to our house when we left the party. We drove separate and when we got home and everyone is getting out of their cars....we realized that we left her daughter there. We each thought see was riding with the other....it was horrible. She beat herself up for days. I think because when we went back to get her, as soon as she saw us, she said "I can't believe you forgot me, MOM!"
ReplyDeleteWe laugh about it now:)
OMG! I would have panicked!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day! I'm a first child, so I never got left behind. But my mom did forget to pick my sister up from school one day. She was there for a couple hours before Mom realized it. So I'd say you're doing much better, lol!
ReplyDeleteLet's just hope the 5 year old doesn't torture the little one with this information as she gets older. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI can totally see it happening. I am finding my life with twins as second and third is somewhat contradicting the second child syndrome.
ReplyDeleteOh no! I have a similar story. For my 30th b-day my husband took me and my 3 sisters and their families out to dinner. We didn't have kids yet but my sister had 3 one being a newborn. Everyone came in and got settled and began talking when we noticed an older couple from church. They looked around and said "where is the baby?" Probably thinking my sis had gotten a sitter. We all looked around and panicked at the same time. She was in the car. Thankfully is was not a hot day and only about 5 minutes had passed. Regardless we were all a little embarrassed. I also still remember when my parents left my youngest sister (the 4th child) in a Little Caesar's. Don't worry she turned out to be quite normal. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy mom once left me at Macy's in Seattle for half an hour when I was five. I guess fourth child syndrome is even worse! :o) Happy SITS day!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! I left child #3 (out of 5) at church one night and didn't realize it till I turned a corner and her offering tin rattled across the car floor!
ReplyDelete@cheapchichome
the coffee and the scone...now that's always what a mom needs! I'm with ya sista. Happy sits day.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! That would've freaked me out too, but I'm sure you're not the first to do it and probably won't be the last.
ReplyDeletepk @ Room Remix
When it happened to me, I just chalked it up to chronic sleep deprivation! :)
ReplyDeleteFunny post!
Congrats on your SITS day. Oh no, you were really beating yourself up about that weren't you? Second child syndrome is universal, don't get yourself down, you're a good mom!
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings, but please be easy on yourself. More people leave their children places than would like to admit. Just this past Sunday, I was at the farm market with my daughter(Kimber) and my sister, thought I left Kimber somewhere...and I was carrying her. For 5 seconds I was in full panic mode!! I think we are all scared of leaving our kids because we know at some point...we make an ooops. Love your blog and your honesty!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Annie, I chalked mine up to chronic sleep deprivation, and Ive left two of my 4 kids (baby 2 in the electronics section of Walmart) and baby 4 (at home in his carrier while I drove to a friends house.. and back!) Happy SiTS day!
ReplyDeleteHey, these things happen! All's well that ends well!
ReplyDeleteWe're only human. I love how your hubby took care of you. Happy SITS Day!
ReplyDeleteOh, believe me, I'm well on my way to having a similar experience. Just the other night I went to bed and got all settled in before realizing that - gasp! - I had left our one-month-old son in the living room. Whoops! He's my third child and it's increasingly hard to keep track of everyone ... and especially when you think the husband has the one you're missing!
ReplyDeleteoh my ... I can't imagine how i would react maybe I shouldn't try either!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how we don't do as much for the second as we did for the first. Oh well, like said, they turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day!!
First of all, I hear you are a writer and you published a book? Cool. I am a writer too.
ReplyDeleteI am putting you in my dashboard so I can follow you...:D We writers have to stick together...
Awesome blog. Glad SITS featured you today.
It happens to the best of us. I am the oldest child and my parents went to pick me up at my aunts who was babysitting me and they started to leave without me. They were new parents of course and I was just a baby. I have not done that to my own kids yet (I have 3) but sometimes when I go somewhere by myself I feel like there is something missing and I feel like I left them somewhere. They are past the baby stage 9, 4 and 2 but you never know LOL
ReplyDeleteUh-oh. My second child is on the way!
ReplyDeleteThe second-child syndrome, huh? I've never heard of it, but I can imagine you're right. That'd you'd be more relaxed.
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS.
hahaha...that's too funny, probably wasn't at the time though. :) Congrats on your book! I'll have to look for it.
ReplyDeleteOh, don't be too hard on yourself. My mom accused a man of kidnapping my (then-infant) sister because she figured my dad hadn't been watching closely.
ReplyDeleteTurns out Katie was safe at home with Dad, and our new neighbor didn't like being accused of kidnapping his granddaughter.
Everyone is going to make mistakes... as long as they're fixable, they're okay. :-)
Who can keep track? I mean really, it is true that women are superhuman and don't get much credit for it but sometimes it all gets a little much. It's amazing that we can still look presentable after all that we do, or not.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your post resembled my recent post about losing my four year old http://www.isdisnormal.com/2009/10/19/panic-missing-child/.
I love your writing and am striving to follow in your footsteps with a book. How did you find an agent?
Visiting from SITS
well, i only have the one child for now.....but i remember one time when i was a kid, there were four of us, and we had station wagon. We were leaving hcurch and we all piled in the car and my dad started driving home, i don't know who realized it or who said what but it was discovered that they left my baby sister who was about 5 at church. Not only did they have to drive back and get her, the pastor was there waiting with her and giving a look like my parents were definitely going to hell....
ReplyDeleteYour parenting posts are so well written...so relateable... you hit all the right nails on the head! It sounds like this was a case of the Second-Child-Syndrome meets Mom-nesia ~ you know, where childbirth spontaneously burns up several critical parts of a new mommy's brain. I've yet to meet a mom who hasn't experienced some level of Mom-nesia.
ReplyDeleteJenn @ rookno17.blogspot.com
Wow... all Mommies have awesome responsibilities, 24/7, year in and year out, I don't know how you do it. Great post. Hang in there.
ReplyDeletekeri
Oh no! One of my worst fears - and I bet it can happen so simply!!! I am a second child. And I think I'm pretty fantastic!! :)
ReplyDeleteFirst phase is panic, then guilt, then forgiving yourself for your unintentional "twilight zone" mind mode. After forgiving yourself, a whole new sense of motherly protectiveness kicks into gear. We are humans, not robots...okay, 'nuff said!
ReplyDeleteOH NO! I have not ever done that...but I KNOW my husband has. I wear my babies so that is my reason for not. He forgets everything though.
ReplyDeleteHehe - and one reason why I do not have children is because I loaded the car, pulled out of the driveway on the way to the boarding kennel for the dog, got 10 minutes down the road, and realized, no dog. The ENTIRE reason I was in the car was to take the dog to the kennel. I arrived home to see said dog, happily wagging her tail looking out the window. If I can't remember the dog, what would I do with a child?
ReplyDeleteThe best part about that post is your willingness to admit it to the blog world. Cause we've all done something, uhm "forgetful", with our precious little ones!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day
***ally
We all make mistakes! Thanks for making someone else feel like a little less of a bad mom! We all def. need understanding!
ReplyDeleteI'm the THIRD child... I wonder if my parents ever left me in a hot car LOL.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, again, on your SITS day!
LOL I think far more people have similar stories than are eager to admit, without the comfort of someone else before them doing it! Glad I could come by and visit you on your SITS day!
ReplyDeletenice to hear such an honest parenting story! thanks for sharing! and happy sits day!
ReplyDeleteI love your bog and am adding it to my clogged reader right after leaving this comment. You have a terrific light touch but hit on real emotional truths. Perfect. As for leaving the baby, better to make the mistake when she can't realize what happened than when she's 11 or so.
ReplyDeleteWow! I love this! (well, not the leaving the baby in the store thing, but you get it...). I love the honesty. Well, all parents do things like this, even if they won't admit it or if they don't have it bite them in the butt.
ReplyDelete-Robin
I just had my second this past Thursday! That is my biggest fear that I will forget her...either in the car or in some public place as I fuss over her brother. Oh my goodness...I'm glad all turned out well :)
ReplyDeleteAt least you remembered her! And you felt bad, which means that it was entirely unintentional. She'll be fine :) Happy SITS day!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to read every comment left but was reminded of a very utterly bad/sad momment in my sons infancy that I need to go and confess @ www.mommysdashboardconfessions.blogspot.com
ReplyDeletedon't worry, you are definitely not the worst mom out there. If it makes you feel any better I've not only left my son home unsupervised while I went to work (that is what I am going to blog about) but he also has a huge medical record, mostly from all his accidents--to this day I am amazed we haven't been investigated by the police, we don't abuse him, he is all boy and he gets into a lot, and anyone who spends more than 5 minutes with him knows that, well I will just go and blog about it, you will see.
I can't be the worst mommy out there because not only have I babysat since the age of 9 but people still pay me for caring for their kids.
www.attheanimalhouse.blogspot.com
so happy I found you on sits
I am a third child and I know I was left all sorts of places. But they always remembered to go and get me. that's the important part!
ReplyDeleteI'm a 2nd child too - but don't know if I was ever left places! I know w/3 kids we've always got a straggler, so know you're not alone. In fact a lady did it to her daughter walked out w/her girl in the grocery cart in front of me w/her girl looking at me oblivious to the fact her mom had walked off w/o her! Was funny but I'm sure embarrassing to the mom to have to come back & get her w/all of us watching. But like Cathy above me said, as long as you go back and get the kid, you're ok! :) Enjoy your day in the SITS spotlight.
ReplyDeleteoh no! We all *almost* do these sorts of things - it's OK!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS day!
It's a wonder mom's these days can remember anything to be honest. Glad the baby was okay though.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a great feature day!
Go for the 3rd! :) I have three and while I never left my second in a shop I wanted to leave him at a bus stop this morning with a $20 bill safety pinned to his shirt and a sippy cup filled with juice. Good luck kid! Ahhh, the second child, the one born with horns and a tail, the one my hubby refers to a Lucifer. Good luck with yours. :) But he's not all bad I guess, I did have another right?
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up. She's safe, she's happy and she'll never know, unless she reads your archives! Great blog. I'll check back often.
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.MaWhats4Dinner.com
It's happened to all of us! I just wish someone would have got me coffee and a scone afterwards!
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS Day!
Good post, I am a second child too and I turned out fines but it is funny that since my son was born who is the second I have been worried of leaving him behind I am always checking then rechecking for him!!!
ReplyDeleteOH NO!
ReplyDeleteIs it okay if I laugh... just a little?
The number of kids in my household changes too frequently and one day I panicked, thinking I'd left someone behind, only to remember that the one I'd thought I'd lost had recently gone home. ;)
I think I was in need of a little more sleep that day.
How horrifying!!!!! I haven't done it, but I have nightmares about it. It is funny to read about and I bet it makes you laugh now.
ReplyDeleteI would have freaked!
ReplyDeleteI always reason with myself that hopefully the statistics are in the favor of my kids due to all the craziness they have survived and lived through by being my children. Kid One: locked in our car not once but 3 times which needed police assistance. Kid Two: hmm..I guess so far so good. But she's young yet! :o)
ReplyDeleteMy best, Lynn
I can say that I have never done anything like that (so far) (knock on wood), but only by the grace of God!! {But I have had some doozies myself...so you are definitely not alone there!}
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS day!
Thankfully, you realized right away. No harm, no foul.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Thank God you remembered right away :)
ReplyDeleteHmmmm... I'll have to ask my Mom. I'm a second child. I think my brother would have LIKED for them to leave me somewhere. LOL
ReplyDeleteI was second child as well.And don't feel bad, my second one was soooo quiet compared to her older sister, I, too, would forget she was there sometimes. I mean, babies make NOISE, don't they!? :) thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteshaunellshair.blogspot.com
I was the oldest child, and I always complained that my younger siblings had it better, what with being the "test child." It'll all even out!
ReplyDeleteI'm very much enjoying feeling more relaxed this time around, but I'm sure something like this will happen to me at some point - I'll try and remember I'm not the only one when it does! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy SITS day! That was one of my biggest fears 2nd and 3rd time around. We almost left the 3rd in the car when we went to the store. The girls and I hopped out and started walking to the store and my husband started following behind us. I turned around and said, "Where's Alex?" His face fell and then he said oops and went back for him!
ReplyDeleteJust because we are parents doesn't mean we're perfect!
I haven't forgotten my second child anywhere yet but I certainly have taken less photos and completely neglected her baby book.
ReplyDeleteSo easy to do! I've had dreams where I forget my kids in the car, or at the house, etc...it really is an unnerving feeling!
ReplyDeleteVisiting from SITS. I am SO dealing with second kid syndrome, not on purpose...it just happens. Enjoyed your blog.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned the Law of Attraction in this post. That's something I've been studying recently, I talk about it alot on my newest blog, feel free to stop by sometime :)
ReplyDeleteI think we've all done something "brainless" in regards to our children. We get so busy taking care of the house, the kids, the car, the dog, the shopping, the husband, blah, blah.....our minds just say "hey, I quit!" Wait...No, it never even tells us - it just stops without warning. Hang in there; we do all make it through some how. :)
ReplyDeleteEvery parents nightmare, and, probably, every parents story.
ReplyDeleteWe have three, and our poor second child still gets the brunt of it. When #3 came along, he got demoted to middle child--even worse!
ReplyDeleteAh ha ha. Too funny. I have nightmares all the time that I've left the dude somewhere. Hopefully I'll chill out with #2!
ReplyDeleteFeeling a parent fail is rough, but we all go through it. Keep on keepin' on, SITSA. XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI know I am a little late! Things have been a little more than hectic over at my place. Congrats on your SITS day! I think the best part of this post is that your husband got you coffee and a scone asap. It's those kinds of things that make the leaving the baby in a shop thing not so terrible - he's with you and in on it too....
Have a wonderful, wonderful day!
Cristina
Happy SITS day! Yes, my DD22, is a second child and complains about second child syndrome all the time! Must be something to it!
ReplyDelete