Holiday Dilemma.

I love my kids, I do.
I just would like a break to enjoy my adult life sometimes.

Sound familiar?

For me, the holidays heighten this.
Thanksgiving found us with three other families with young children.
We've known these people for years.
We used to have Thanksgiving together before the children were born.

In those days we enjoyed hot food with great conversation.
After dinner we played board games and laughed until our sides hurt.
It was really a great time.

This year we had our meal interrupted constantly by kids.
We barely finished a mouthful never mind a sentence before we met a child's need or want.
There were no games and instead of relaxing after the meal we had to get all the littles home to bed.

Our children were all delightful. They were not difficult or naughty. They were not particularly demanding.
They entertained us with song and little performances. They were just children.

This is the juggle of parenthood. I want to spend the holidays with my children. I want to create memories and traditions with them. I want them to remember the holidays as joy filled. I love creating special times with them. I just don't want it to be all I do at the holidays.
If I give them 100% I find it hard to enjoy some time as an adult. I don't get to relax. I don't get to really enjoy the meal. I do not get to have a full adult conversation.

How do I find balance? Is it just not possible while the kids are little?
How do you do it?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I am thankful for safety, shelter and an abundance of love from family and friends.

I am thankful for my blog community.

I am thankful.

Bad Yoga.

No wonder we moms have a reputation for confusing a ponytail with a hairstyle.
It's hard to get my teeth cleaned somedays - never mind a shower.
A hairstyle or make up - so unlikely.

After my BlogHer experience I had vowed to reclaim myself.
I promised I would shed my mom uniform of comfortable (read un-ironed) trousers and t-shirts.
That I would get my Susan Boyle brows groomed regularly and get a haircut more than twice a year.

I meant it. I really did.
I even signed up with a yoga studio to reclaim my pre-pregnancy body.

It all went well for a few months. Then the two year old noticed my absences.
I am an advocate for parents insisting on me time.
We get babysitters often. I'm really clear that I am a better mom if I get adult company or activity.

The difference is that going out at night seems OK with the two year old.
Daytime - not so.

She has started to wail at the sight of my yoga mat.
"Bad yoga! Bad yoga Mommy!"

"Don't go momma."
"Don't leave me!"
"I love you mommy -stay with me, I'll give you kisses."
Are just a few of the heart crushing pleas she has made.

No wonder we give in. No wonder we stay home.
Meanwhile our brows go ferrel.
Our thighs widen and our hair looses all semblance of a style.

I have kept up the yoga it's just that I do it yeti style.
There's only so much two year old distress I can cause.

Feedback.

Have you read The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan?
You should.

She's almost as funny and as good a writer as me - almost.
She has a new book out called Lift. It's on my Christmas wish list.

She came to our local book store the other night so I went along to hear her speak.

She really is funny.
Reading aloud from her book she talked about how bad she thinks she is at mothering.
It was hilarious. We all laughed uproariously - mostly because we feel the same way at least some of the time.
Also because they served wine before we ate and we were all a little tipsy.

Like her, I have had to suck a Riccola because I just shouted so hard at my kids my throat hurts.
I have said NO! before the seven year old has even finished her sentence.
I have been so unpleasant for no good reason (Ok it was hormones) that I haven't wanted to look at myself in the mirror,
for fear of the ugliness I will see on my face.

It got me thinking. The whole circle of life thing - really not well thought out.

You spend large parts of your childhood - or at least your teenhood feeling irritated and bitter at all the rules.
You complain to your friends how much your parents shout at you and ruin your life with their mere presence.
You vow you will never make your kids follow the stupid rules and you will NEVER shout at them.
You make your parents feel guilty and miserable.

You become a parent. You enforce rules and raise your voice almost every day - sometimes all day.
You hate yourself for it.
You now get what it was your parents were going through.
You feel bad for giving them such a hard time.
You are nicer to them.

Wouldn't the whole thing be a lot easier if we could have come to that realization aged seven?
Who's idea was developmental stages?
Why is the whole maturity thing something you have to earn?
Wouldn't it have been smarter to have us come in with emotional maturity when we need it?

I don't mean to criticize but it does seem there is room for improvement.
A celestial ideas box maybe.
Couldn't hurt.

It's Too Early.

'It's too early' seems to be my war cry.

At 5.50am when the two year old decides to get up for the day.
When the seven year old wants to get her ears pierced or wear crop tops.

When we go to the Mall on the 14th of November and Santa is there.
Really?! Santa in mid-November?

Who do I write too to get this madness stopped?
Santa should NOT be allowed until December 1st at the very earliest.
As I remember, last year the Christmas music, decorations etc. all started the day after Thanksgiving.
Why the two week leap?

I am well aware that these decisions are driven by consumerism but do none of the people who make these decisions have children?
Do they not know that we now have to listen to Santa chatter for a full six weeks until the big day?

What if you don't celebrate Christmas - it really must feel like indoctrination.

As it was even the seven year old agreed. She was speechless when Santa asked her what she was hoping for.
When I asked her if she was shy - she told me that she was simply not ready.
Really - if a seven year old thinks it's too early - that's all we need to know.

The two year old ran up to Santa with great excitement and then put on the brakes about two feet from his boots exclaiming
"No want Santa!"

That makes about 300 million of us sweetpea.

Don't Drink The Water.

Our deepest fear as parents is that something will be wrong with our children.
It can be a gut wrenching fear.

That fear has been unfounded for me.
I have two healthy, happy girls.

Except.
The seven year old has fluorosis.
It's not a a disabling or life threatening illness or condition but I find myself feeling quite devastated.

It effects her teeth.
They have flecking and are much more vulnerable to cavities.
She is likely to have dental issues for her whole life.
It is untreatable.

In the grand scale of things - not a big deal.
So why am I so upset?

Fluorisis is caused by too much flouride.
I had read about the over use of flouride in our systems when I was pregnant.
I did my research.
I went out of my way to buy flouride free toothpaste.
We spent the extra dollars on organics.

In vain.

Now with this diagnosis I find out that this is becoming a huge issue in American children.
Flourosis has been found in 30% of children in recent studies.
It's an emerging problem and already it is showing up in studies at 30%.

The seven year old's case is very mild.
If you want to really scare yourself Google it. The pictures are horrendous.

I am suspicious of GMO's, pesticide use and heavily processed food.
I am informed.
Yet, my child has been poisoned. By the water supply.
By food that is made with flouride heavy water.
Different states have different regulations - some use much more flouride in their water supplies than others.
I feel cheated, frustrated and guilty.

I am quite sure that at some point in the future the decision to put fluoride in our water will be reversed or at the very least greatly reduced. Too late for my child.

Had to share.

Death By Crayon.

I don't much like macabre. I'm more the fluffy bunny type.
It's why our Halloween costumes bear no relevance to Halloween.

Our decorations are also jolly. Pumpkins, owls, cute scarecrow etc.
I only ever carve a happy face on my pumpkin.
You might say I'm a softy.

At school pick up the other day, the seven year brought me her Halloween work to take home.
She showed it to me with great pride and enthusiasm.

She loves working with beeswax and creates the most fabulous little scenes.
She had also drawn some pictures which had been on the wall.
A bat, a pumpkin - you get the idea.

Actually, let me show you:



It's so cute! Look at that witches hat - the detail. The bat is also really great - she cut it out herself.
I'm really impressed.
Then look at the gravestone.
Wait, it's a little out of the shot.
Here you go:



What in the HECK????

RIP Mom. I am so not OK with that.

Apparently, all the other kids did one with their own name on it but she wanted to do something 'special' for me.
Hmmmmm.

My only consolation is the date of death 7100.
I have a while.

It's Not Me - It's You.

"What In The Heck?! " is the two year old's favorite phrase.
Usually stated very LOUDLY

I blame the seven year old.

I may have to take responsibility for "Great, that's just great" - who knew two year olds could pull off sarcasm?

Here's the thing about kids. They are always getting you in trouble.

"What in the heck!" from the mouth of a two year old is apparently unacceptable.
Frankly, considering what she might say I was pretty happy with heck.

I feel the scorn of Joe Public when she lets it fly at the store etc.

She is such a minx.

I think I'm going to take the power back. Next time she lets 'heck' fly in public I'm going to state loudly,

"Oh that's awful - using language like that, shocking!"

If I wear my best angelic smile maybe I can deflect the blame.
She said it after all - why am I taking the heat?

Deflection Parenting - my new approach.

Treat.

I discovered something. If I don't go into Halloween stores - Halloween is a lot more fun.

I have a lot more money in my pocket.
My head is not full of bizarre images of horror or sexualized kids costumes.
My home is not full of plastic junk that will inevitably end up in the landfill.

Pulling a costume together from the dress up pile or closet is really funny and usually more creative.
The kids might not always be on board with that but ordering online or making it still allows me to skip the madness of the store.
Actually my kids were on board - I just couldn't pull off a realistic dinosaur so I purchased one.

We walked passed a Halloween store and the six foot 'Jason' figure at the door was enough to cause the two year old to burst into tears. I know that some people love that stuff but can't it be in the back so the 'littles' can get by mentally unscarred?

That experience aside - we had a great Halloween. We carved pumpkins and roasted the seeds. We trick and treated without scary incident. We overdosed on candy.
We like to do a family theme so this year we were the Flintstones.
Listening to a sleepy two year old muttering Yabba Dabba Do! in her car seat on the way home was priceless.

I am always aware that this is it - my children's childhood and I feel the weight of responsibility to 'get it right.'
If I do say so myself - job well done.