A Helping Hand.

I was recently reminded how important it is to be active.
Active in your community. Active in service to others.

Achieving this is proving more difficult than I thought.
I want to involve my kids and show them their privilege and the joy of serving others.
I am not met with enthusiasm. Why is that?

I read a great article about how overwhelming the worlds tragedies are. How when we hear that people are affected in the hundreds of thousands by an earthquake or flood, we can't grasp the scale - so it doesn't touch us as deeply.
We are more likely to respond to a local story about one individual - because we can relate.
Makes sense but what of those people waiting and hoping for help?

I also listened to George Clooney's speech at The Emmy's. He talked about how we forget about a disaster after a few days or weeks and one donation.
It's understandable but not really OK.
Complacency is dangerous.

Words like disaster are used in every day language related to dropping a cup of coffee or forgetting to pick up laundry.
It becomes diluted.

I know that people are generous but writing a check and volunteering are such different experiences.
Children really need to be involved, to experience helping, to get enthusiastic about it.

We decided to organize a community garage sale. Each participant will donate a minimum of 25% of their takings to the charity/cause of their choice.
We also partnered with Soles4Souls.org to do a shoe drive for Haiti.

If I can motivate you to do one thing and you could motivate one friend to do one thing - think of all the good that would be done. All the smiles we'd generate. Globally or locally.
Just something to think about.

I'd love to hear about your ideas and efforts.

Eleven.

The husband plays music.
Last night he played a sizable event.

I took the kids.
The two year old said,

"Dude - TOO LOUD!"

Fair enough but like seriously, dude where does she come up with this stuff?

I consider myself to be a responsible parent.
I work hard at parenting. I read about it, attend workshops and classes.
I work on myself so I don't project my stuff on them.

But there we are at a (too) loud music concert. I had to take them - Daddy was playing.

It was lateish, I had a cocktail in one hand and the two year old in the other. The seven year old was wearing the band t-shirt and moshing in the front row. We were singing along and dancing.

Then I saw the judgement. Around me people were pointing at 'the baby'.

"Isn't it too loud for her?" someone asked.

I believe we had already firmly established that - from the horses mouth no less.
It's worth noting that the two year old said,

"Dude - too loud."

not

"Dude - get me out of here."

"She's OK - she's happy," I say pointing at her huge grin.

"But her ears" she protests.

I pull back her hair and reveal the earplugs.

"Oh, phew - we didn't see them."

WE????

How many people are 'we' exactly?

So here's what I learned:

It is fine to take kids out late to see (too) loud music.
It's fine to drink and parent.
It's fine to allow your seven year old to mosh.
It's fine - as long as you have them wear ear plugs.


This public service announcement brought to you by The Parenting Myth.

The Shoe.

We have spent the last six days camping. Oh, the laundry....
We started in the redwoods and ended up at the beach.

I love camping. It's just such a lovely, simple, back to nature experience.
(No helicopters this year.)
We were relatively unbothered by critters. The weather was lovely.
We had great company and then peaceful solitude.
Is that an oxymoron with two kids in tow?

We hugged trees hundreds of years old and hundreds of feet tall.
We peered into rock pools brimming with starfish, anemone and crabs.
We listened and watched a seal colony in their daily routine of barking and splashing.

My main thought through all of this?
Where is the two year old's other shoe?

Let me explain. The two year old, unlike the seven year old, has fashion preferences.
She picked out her purple Crocs with great excitement a few months back.

She loves them. She would wear them to bed if she could.
Somewhere between campsite one and two, one shoe went awol.

I turned the tent upside down, hunted under car seats, in every bag, roamed the forest floor - to no avail.
I called the first camp site host. No shoe was found.

I became obsessed - where can it have got to?
Is there a raccoon in Hendy Woods wearing one shoe?

The two year old looked confused each morning as she asked for her Croc and got Keens.
I called the first campsite again and got every ranger within 5 miles involved in the search.

It must be somewhere.

I distracted myself with ice cream, naps and sunbathing but around the campfire as the flickering flames made me reflective - my thoughts returned to the shoe.

Yes, we could get more shoes but these were her first pick. I was going to put them in her keepsake box.
How could it just disappear - it had to be somewhere.....

It was. When we took the tent apart on the last day - it was under the seven year olds sleep mat.
I guess we know she's no Princess.

My sincere apologies to the Northern California State Park Rangers.



Also, giveaway is coming - goods delayed. Perhaps they too are under the seven years olds bed......

BlogHer Swag!

Didn't make BlogHer?
Sick of hearing about the great swag?

Parenting Myth has you covered!
I partnered with some of the vendors to bring the goodies
to you lovely readers.

I am off to eat S'mores and generate laundry but when I return
I will start the give away. (I will try very hard not to include the aforementioned
laundry.)

Ooooh I feel like Santa.

Be The Change.

The closing breakfast keynote at Blogher was a group of women activists. Some of whom literally risk their lives to blog.
That kind of hit me like a ton of bricks.
They risk their lives.

They are:
MidEast Youth
Mujeres Libres
Aww Project
humanityashore

I am not that person.
I do however thrive on motivation and a goal.
I have been missing that goal.

The goal was to be the best parent I could be. A worthy challenge.
What I didn't realize was how easy it would be to lose 'me' in that.
To focus so completely on them that I would feel 'me' slipping away.

I have written about how important 'me time' is. How a happy fulfilled parent makes a good parent.
I thought by getting babysitters regularly and leaving the house - I was achieving that. I was mistaken.

For me, committing to the those first years, full time, was important.
Now it is time for me to move on a little.

In yet another Blogher session, I learned about activist bloggers.
This was where my lightbulb moment happened.
I want to be active.

But how? I am interested in politics and keep up to date but it's not my soapbox.
I think that being green is important and we work hard to be but again - not my arena.

So what could I do? I can be very evangelical and I know it can turn people off so maybe I'm not ideal to be an activist blogger.
Sitting in that session with my body tingling - I knew there was something there for me to hear.
Then came this sentence;

"You can be an activist by posting your post about whatever you want and including information for say, a local farmers market.
Shopping locally, eating organically are ways to tell GMO using, pesticide liberal and nutrition low food manufacturers that you want better options. You can still blog about fashion, art, pets or parenting while you do it."

Simple.

I can find new purpose in blogging by adding information and links that do a little good in the world.
If you are interested you can click the link - if you are not - keep scrolling.

I was reminded at Blogher that this is a powerful, intelligent and generous community.
I am also often aware that we live in very self centered times.
So my goal is this - a little less me, a little more we.

Beats the prior focus on wee.

In a New York Minute.

Firstly, let me just say - my hair is fabulous in humid New York. No relevance to the post just wanted to say it.

I went to BlogHer. My original thought was that it was really just an excuse to get away for a weekend and where better than the Big Apple?
I thought I might meet a few fellow bloggers and grab some swag at the expo.

I hadn't really thought any further than that.
Low expectations may have helped.

It was fantastic. Inspiring. Fun.

The Hilton did a really nice job.
Over 2000 women are probably not the easiest group to keep happy.

Imagine the need for extra towels, pillows and toiletries.
Imagine that those women are one of the most sought after groups for marketers and advertising.
Imagine how much bad press Hilton could generate in thousands of blogs world wide.

I imagined the manager popping Valium in his office.
Relax dear manager - job well done.

I have never been so well looked after at a conference.
Meals were provided! Tea, coffee, water, snacks - in abundance.
As a mommy - it was a complete treat to be so well looked after.
It made for a much less expensive trip than I imagined - something that always makes me happy!

I had been thinking a lot about my blog in the weeks before I went to New York.
Much of the impetus for it had come from returning to the early years of parenting.
I needed the community. I needed to talk about sleep deprivation and poopy diapers, picky eaters and the immersion that parenthood is.
I wanted to laugh about it with others who knew how it felt. I wanted to get help, advice and ideas from other parents.

Now that the two year old is just that - two. I am emerging again in to the real world. I am able to get out more. I can have some me time more easily. My need to blog is diminishing.

What I remembered while at BlogHer is that - I LOVE to write. Writing has opened up a long closed vault. I like to use my brain for things other than finding Mrs Potato Head's handbag. I like that when I write, I feel like an adult not just a mommy. Even when I write about being a mommy.

I had a lightbulb moment during one session. My New york minute. I know where I need to take this blog now.
More on that to come.
I hope you'll stay for the journey.

Have You Seen My Mommy?

I'm back from BlogHer with about 30 posts in my head.
First things first.

I left my girls for four days.
It is the first time in their lives I have done that.
The husband and I have been away but they have never been with him and not me for more than a day.

More importantly, I have not been away by myself in over seven years.
To say it was overdue would be a massive understatement.

I knew I needed it. I had no idea how much.
I realized that even when I go away with The husband I find myself considering him and his wants and needs.
This trip was all about me.
(I did attend BlogHer with a friend but she was a compliment to my independence.)

I ate when I wanted, peed when I wanted - alone!!
I only had to consider me. It was glorious.
The conference stimulated me - mind, body and soul.
(More on that later.)
New York excited and inspired me.

I stayed out late without worrying how early I would have to get up.
I showered each day. I wore make up. I cleaned my teeth.

I did not miss my children.

I did not feel guilty about not missing my children.

I knew that after four days I would return to putting them first.
To meeting their every need for 12 hours (sometimes more) of every day.
I knew I would do it with renewed energy.

In return, they did not miss me much either.
The two year old barely at all. The seven year old more so but was mollified with the news that
there is an American Girl store in New York and that I had visited it.
They were with their daddy and all was well.

There was no big scene on my return. Heartfelt hugs, a few "I missed yous."
No tears, no drama.

I am resolved to take better care of me. To nourish myself so I can nourish my children.
To be me the person not just mommy, unapologetically, for a few days every now and then.
Now all I need to do is decide on the next venue.

If You Give A Mom A Baby.

Today's post is a tribute to one of our favorite books -
If You Give A Pig A Pancake by Laura Numeroff.






If you give a mom a baby,
she'll want a nursery to go with it.

You'll shower her with your favorite baby things.

She'll probably get overwhelmed and teary, so she'll want to have a cocktail.
She'll ask you for one.

You'll have to remind her that babies and vodka don't mix.
She'll probably ask you for a hug.
You'll give her your best one.

The hug will remind her that she's so big, nobody's arms fit around her.
She'll feel sad and fat,
so, she'll want to go out and get ice cream.

She'll want you to come too.
You will look for your wallet.

While looking, you'll come across an old photo album.
You'll show it to her.
You'll look at photos of you two, thin and carefree - it will make you laugh.
She'll want you to take a photo.

You'll have to find your camera.
When she sees the picture she'll ask you never to take another.

She'll want to change into something more flattering.
When she's tried on everything she owns,
you'll give her your best t-shirt.

You'll head out for ice cream.
On the way you'll pass a stroller shop.
She'll ask you to buy her one.

You will wish you had forgotten your wallet.

The stroller will remind her the baby also needs a car seat, a crib and a change table.
Buying all these things will remind her she's actually going to be a mommy.

And chances are,
if she asks you for one baby,
she'll want another to go with it.






I'm off to Blogher in NYC. Hope to see you there......

Moms and Daughters.

I've been keeping a secret from you.
Mostly because it's delicious and I've enjoyed just having it quietly to myself.
If you knew me personally - you would know that this is not in keeping with my character.

Six months ago I was invited to join in The Mother Daughter Project.
It has been one of the best experiences of my parenting life.

We are six women and six girls. We only have our older girls in this group.
We meet as moms and with the girls.
We aim to form a bond that will give us support for years to come and especially for the teenage years.. We hope our girls will come to see the other moms as surrogates and the other girls as sisters. We are creating the village we do not have because we all live away from our families.

It has been exciting, nourishing and even transformative.

And then we went camping.

We brought 'the littles' because the dads had to work, so we had six moms and eleven children ranging from 8 months to 7.5 years.

We envisioned campfire stories, s'mores, songs and walks in the wood.
We got that. It was lovely.

We also got this:

Mom, I'm hungry.
Mom, I need to pee.
Mom, I need some water.
MOM - Waaaaagh, I fell.
Mom, I need a band aid.
Mom where's my sweater?
Mom where's my pencil - not that one - the purple one?
Mom where's my cup?
Mom when are we going to the river?
Mom, when are we having s'mores?
Mom, I need to pee again.
Mom, is dinner ready yet?
Mom, is this poison oak?
Mom, are there bears here?
Mom, I'm still hungry?
Mom, is it time for the s'mores now?
times eleven.


I've always known we moms are an incredible crew but this was something else.
We set up six campsites, cooked meals for 17 and provided entertainment.
Phew.

In addition a pack of raccoons decided to taunt us. They raided our food supplies each night despite our careful efforts to secure our supplies. The hissed at us, tried to burrow under tents and were generally menacing.
We prevailed but it was extra challenge we did not need.

I am now in my easy, comfortable home. Laundry done.
I think our next Mother Daughter adventure should be spa based.


Want to start your own group?
Read this: