Those In Glass Houses.

So, we all know that I think we should support each other. We should be compassionate towards each other when we see a bad parenting moment in public - because we all have them and it doesn't mean we're bad parents all the time.

We should not judge because it's unhelpful, unsupportive and obnoxious.
That said.......

Yesterday we went out to the beach. We choose to go to a very rugged beach. There are no shops, no restaurants, just the pounding ocean and a few miles of unspoiled sand, green dunes and cliffs.
It was actually a little cloudy but not cold so we set up our little day camp.

It was one big golden moment where we were all just happy to be in such a beautiful spot with no-one around. We dipped our toes in the frigid Pacific ocean (don't be fooled people - if you're not south of LA the Pacific is cold, very cold.)
We gathered rocks and shells, we ate our picnic. Lovely.

We then decided to make sand sculptures. We did a big family project - a dolphin. We then spit off to make one each.
An octopus, a turtle, a baby turtle and a big hole.
(Two year olds find it hard to grasp the concept of sculpture.)

If I do say so myself they were spectacular. We all felt very proud. It seemed dessert was in order so we ambled back to our 'camp' and rewarded ourselves for our hard work.

Enter VERY LOUD family.
You know the kind. Even although they are only one foot away from each other - they shout everything,

"HONEY, WOULD YOU LIKE A JUICE BOX?"

"WHAT?"

"A JUICE BOX?"

"WHAT KIND DO WE HAVE?"

and so on.

We were a little disgruntled that they were disrupting our tranquility but we know we have to share.
Then the kids, four boys and two girls came over to look at our sculptures.
Before I could even say 'hello' they had stomped them.

I asked them to stop - they didn't.
Well, I should say the boys didn't. The oldest girl yelled for her mom.
Mom was doing, her nails, texting, smoking pot or some other thing. She ignored her daughters somewhat frantic call.

I firmly requested they stop. They didn't.
To help enforce my request the two girls started throwing rocks at their brothers.
I want you to note I said rocks - not stones or pebbles. Rocks.
They didn't stop.

"Mom - you need to come get Josh - he's wrecking this."

"I am talking honey...."

I chased them away with a big stick. OK I didn't really but I gave them my Paddington Bear Hard Stare and they retreated.

The older kids ran back to tell.

"THEY WRECKED SOME PEOPLES STUFF? WHAT?"

They packed up and left.
Works for us.

Except.

They said nothing to us. They said nothing to their kids.

I judged those parents. I judged them under my breath and to their backs.
I am still judging them now - so sue me.

Best Laid Plans.

The husband and I like to look back and laugh.
Not in a 'oh that's funny' kind of way more in a 'what fools we were' kind of way.

When I first got pregnant we talked about how the baby was coming to our party. We were not going to be those parents.
The kind that stop living as soon as they have kids.

We were going to continue living the life we wanted to. We would not miss parties because we couldn't get a sitter - we would just bring baby along.
We were going to continue to travel. We like(d) to jump on a flight and find accommodations when we got there. We liked to decide Friday at 6pm to go away for the weekend and throw a bag in the car.
No reason not to throw a porta crib and some diapers in the car too.

WRONG!

Even although I think I do have a laid back attitude - it just isn't that simple.
You can take the baby with you but it can mess up their sleep pattern and you will lose hours of sleep.

You can drop everything and go away last minute but the baby might not deal well with the heat or altitude or some other thing you can't control.
Result?
Most likely loss of sleep. Endless crying (you and baby) and an overwhelming desire to go home.

If sleep deprivation is not your Achilles heel you might fair better than me.

My kids are not babies anymore but I do still have a napper.
Naps are such a mixed blessing. I love the time to get some stuff done.
I hate that I have to plan my entire day around being home (or driving up and down the freeway) for two hours everyday.

What's my point?
You can't plan this. You can't control it. So just go with it.
Any ideas how to do that?

Also, don't publicly accuse your two year old of leaving your freezer open and wasting lots of food.
You might later find that the freezer is actually broken which had nothing to do with aforementioned sweet, angelic two year old....

Pot Luck.

They say kids are expensive. I think they might be right.

In an homage to my home country - I am a frugal girl.
Wasting food is one of my biggest pet peeves.

So, imagine my delight this morning when I discovered the freezer door had been left open overnight and I now have about $200 worth of freezer mulch.

Aaaaaagh. I bet they could hear me all the way back in Scotland.

My plans for today are now scrapped as I have to cook all day. I hope to rescue as much of the contents as possible.
It may mean a few crazy meals but I simply cannot just throw it all out.

I have already had to throw away a quart of ice cream and an unopened box of popsicles. It caused me physical pain.

After my initial hysteria passed I began to look for the culprit.
My first accusation was thrown in the Husbands direction.
He made a solid rebuttal.

Then I remembered that the two year old has been sucking on teething rings.
She's not teething, she just likes the cold. (She has had a fever.)

I go and check and sure enough there under her crib is the ring.
My fabulously independent little two year old,taurean must have gone and got it herself.
I think the contents of her piggy bank may have a new home.

I am reminded of the time her sister cost me $170 at Target. (Reminisce with me here.)

Sigh.

Come on over - I have dinner for sixty.

Fail.

I have been a parent for over seven years. If I was working at any other job for seven years I think I'd be good at it. Well experienced.
Why does that not translate to parenting?

The two year old has been a nightmare for the past two days. Fully two.
Throwing herself on the ground and tantruming. Not eating any food I prepare but complaining of being hungry.
Shouting, hitting - the whole nine yards.
It has been difficult. So tiring.
I have not been patient. I have shouted.

I have not felt good about my parenting.

Today we noticed she was hot.
Guess what - she has a fever. Now that I know this -I realize she has had an intermittent cough. She has not had her usual energy and obviously - no appetite.

Why didn't I notice? I've done this before.
She was acting so out of character.

I gave her time outs. I shouted.

Uuuggh. I feel awful.

That's it - no punchline.
I just needed to confess.

Dairy Diary.

Ahh.. Summer.
Warm weather, beach days, pool parties and BBQ's.
Late nights and lazy days.

Unless you are a parent.

Then you are either juggling a crazy camp schedule or you are praying that
school will call and tell you they have decided to start classes next week.

Actually, it's been pretty great so far. We have had some really lovely days and not too many
that seem to have lasted 72 hours.

I have discovered that ice cream is the cure all. I can get away with a very dull day full of chores
if there's an ice cream pay off.
If I allow rainbow sherbet I could probably have them clean the bathrooms.

I have been innovative (thanks to Google) in finding new places to indulge in our daily dairy.
The kids continue to look at me as if I am the messiah when I take them to yet another
place we have never been to before.

Inevitably, one day we ran out of time and options.
When we got home the realization dawned on the girls. No ice cream.
Tears fell.
I have been called Hard Hearted Hannah before but these sad faces won me over.

"Don't worry girls we can have it here."

I quickly pull out a tub of Strawberry Haagen Dazs and serve two generous bowls.
The two year looks at me in awe.

"Where get ice cream?"

"In the freezer sweetie"

The look that she gives me conveys delight and disbelief.
As if to say, you can get ice cream at home??

I can't believe that this is the first time I have served her ice cream at home. Really?
I believe we now need a padlock for the freezer...

I Have A Guest Blogger.....

Let's just start with a disclaimer.

I am not a mother.

This is not a tragedy, or a religious position, or even a steadfast decision. It's just where things are at. Sometimes I wonder if I should have been a bit more proactive about becoming a mother at various stages of my life, and I contemplate whether I have been unfair to all those ancestors of mine who toiled away to create a better life for their children and grandchildren. There they were making sacrifices so that their descendants could enjoy the good life, and when it got to me, it's as if I said 'Thanks very much for all that. I AM going to enjoy the good life you have created for me, but it all stops here."

But then, when I settle myself down into a comfortable armchair with a glass of wine and a good book for several hours, I think 'You know what. You can bet I wouldn't have a chance to do this if I had kids.' And then I remember that if I wanted to take off and travel to exotic countries, I could. I don't have to worry about the impact it would have on my children, or whether I can fit it in during school holidays. And that is when I am reminded of the positives of a child-free lifestyle.

As my sister (a mother of two) once said to me 'You know, I'd quite happily take a long haul flight (sans children) just for the chance for a quiet gin and tonic and a few hours of reading time. Then I'd fly back. Even without the holiday in between it would be worth it.'

So this is the situation.

Passion 1: Reading great novels

Passion 2: Travel and learning about foreign countries

Offspring: Nil

So then I got creative.

OK - I may not have any flesh and blood children, but could I create another kind of baby out of my two great passions? And this is how Packabook was born.

Packabook is a website which looks at the relationship between novels and the places they are set. For more than a year I have been feverishly cataloging books into the country and sometimes city or region in which the action takes place. It's a fascinating venture, and I believe I may have even discovered some countries I didn't know existed in the process. I've certainly discovered a whole pile of great books.

But how does this help you?

Well, for busy Moms who have little time to read and travel, it may provide an opportunity.

If you only get the chance to read one book in a year (and I bet you think even that would be a miracle given your time constraints), why not make it one that is set in a country you have a hankering to travel to? I know it's not the same as going there yourself, but in the child-rich years at least it is some kind of alternative. Fancy visiting an island with blinding white sand and a cool sea? Try a book set in Greece. Seeking some great art and architecture, with a bit of romance? How about a book set in Italy. You might just want to re-live your days on the hippy trail. Perhaps a book set in India will do it for you. The opportunities are endless - all you have to do is choose the country you fancy going to, and then find a great read that is set there.

Of course, maybe reading a book about some glorious location is not what you are looking for. Maybe you don't need escape. Maybe you are perfectly happy right where you are now, with the kids running around doing their thing, and you managing five minutes to have a sip of coffee and a flick through a magazine. Maybe sometimes we just need to read a book to remind us how good we actually have it.

That's when I suggest reading a book set in Afghanistan or Haiti.

That should do the trick.

So - what is your poison? Turkey, Jamaica, Spain......mmmm...I can almost taste the Sangria.....

Suzi from Packabook

-------------------------

Packabook's mission is to search out great books and catalog them by the place in which they are set. With a constantly updated selection of travel novels from around the world, you will always be able to find something to find something exceptional to read.

A Dollar And A Dream.

You know that face that you see on Christmas Eve, the look of wondrous excitement and anticipation?
Well I saw it again this past week quite unexpectedly.
On the face of the seven year old.

We have been in swim camp for a week. I say 'we' because the two year old and I have been shamelessly taking full advantage of the pool and facilities while the seven year old earnestly freestyles past.

I love to swim. Something I find quite surprising.
Swimming as a kid in Scotland involved dipping a toe in the frigid north sea on a 'summer' day
or in a highly chlorinated indoor pool.
The baths (as we called them) were usually in victorian buildings, with changing rooms around the walls and equally frigid waters.
We had to wear a swim cap and walk through a foot bath of some awful chemical concoction before we could enjoy the joys of swimming in cold bleach.

After swimming class (for my lucky children in a beautiful outdoor pool with saline water) the seven year old was introduced to the vending machine by her classmates.
She came to me wide eyed asking if she too could have a dollar for the machine.
She returned with a bag of corn nuts and a huge grin.

As an aside, corn nuts have to be one of the nastiest things I've tasted in a while.
Still, the seven year old was delighted.
It became a daily ritual.
She disappeared with a dollar and came back with some new bag of additives.

On the last day we had a private lesson. She shyly asked if she could still go to the vending machine.
I dutifully gave her a dollar.

The two year old and I got busy with sun block.
It was at least five minutes before I realized that the seven year old hadn't returned.
Hmmm.

We head off to investigate.
I wish I'd brought my camera.
There standing in front of the vending machine was the seven year with that look on her face.

"What's up sweetie?"

"When will it ever drop down?" she whined.

I realized that she had been having assistance from her classmates all week and had no idea how to select her snack and make it drop.
She had simply put her money in and was standing there willing it with all her might to slide into the collection tray.

It was the sweetest moment of innocence and hopeful anticipation.
I wonder how long she would have stood there?

Is Anybody Listening?

The seven year old is sassy. I am told this is the teenage 'snapshot.'
Allegedly, my sweet girl will return to me soon and stay for a few more years before the hormones steal her from me.
(Boarding school comes to mind.)

In the meantime I am enjoying phrases like,

"You're not the boss of me!"

"I can do it if I want."

and

"I don't care."

All gems.

She is also, it seems to me, going to great lengths to do the exact opposite of my requests.
The every day stuff, like getting ready for bed or to go out, takes forever.
I have to tell her each step at least three times. It's infuriating.

My current pet peeve is clothes or towels abandoned in the bed or bathroom.
Every morning her pj's are abandoned.
At night it's her clothes.

Last night I blew a gasket.
I asked her to get ready for bed and jump in with her book choice while I put the two year old down.
I walked into her room and found her towel and clothes strewn.
She was hiding under her quilt.

I ranted. I threatened consquences. I moaned about my work load and being unfair to me.
Finally - I yelled,

"Get out from under there and show me some respect!"

She didn't.

I thought I might pop a vein - I grabbed the quilt and pulled it back.
You guessed it - she wasn't there.
While I was with the two year old - the husband had come home from work and she was downstairs chatting with him.

I have had many moments where I have questioned my sanity, since I became a parent.
Ranting at a quilt is definitely up there.