You Say Tomato.

No wonder we get Mommy Madness.
I spent one full hour trying to solve a riddle with the baby the other day.

She woke from her nap demanding "SOUP"
When the baby asks for food I always get a little bit excited (eating is still not high on her agenda)
So I scooped her up and headed for the kitchen.

She started to cry.
"SOUP, SOUP, SOUP!" she wailed.

"Yes lovey, mommy just has to make it" I soothed.
(You all know I mean open the carton and heat it up right?)

"Noooooooooooooooooo! SOUP!"

As previously mentioned this went on for ONE HOUR so I will spare you the full dialogue.
Suffice to say she was very distressed and frustrated and I was feeling like the worlds worst mom.

I had a light bulb moment.

"Show me."
She showed me - it would have been great if I had remembered that little trick say, 59 minutes earlier.
She showed me the swimming bag.

Soup, as it turns out, is suit - short for swimsuit.

Because I can't seem to get beyond the hope I can reason with a toddler, I explained we were not going swimming.
Five minutes later she is in her 'soup' which she has accessorized with rain boots.

She has been wearing that outfit for 28 hours now.

It's a crowd pleaser - which should ensure she wears it for at least another 36.
She still hasn't eaten any soup.

Pearly Whites.

The seven year old is getting her big girl teeth.
They've been arriving for about a year and she has six so far.
She also has several gaps where baby teeth have fallen out but we haven't seen the new ones yet.

I would like a support group for this process.

They are not coming in straight. They are over AND under lapping.
They are coming in at severe angles. They are pushing other teeth out.

Of course she's still beautiful. I'd love her if she looked like an ant eater (too random?)
It's hard not to be a little concerned though.

I find myself staring at her mouth, squinting a little.
It's hard to imagine they will straighten out.

I know she will likely have orthodontics but that won't be for years.
In the meantime does she have to look like Goofy?

Why doesn't her dentist give me a reassuring hug and a flyer to attend a 7pm meeting when we go?

I'm not looking for a Julia Roberts smile but I just can't imagine the crazy jumble in her mouth currently can ever be functional, never mind straight.

Ok, she can do serious damage to a corn cob so maybe I don't need to worry about function, that just leaves us form.
I have been stressing about it - can you tell?

I decided to pay attention to her peers mouths.
Phew - lots of gaps, crazy angles and disproportionate sizes.
Then I pulled out a few photos from my youth.
When I was nine - Bugs Bunny had nothing on me.
I now have a nice straight row of nashers.

I am a little relieved.
I wish we could still by pass the 'awkward' stage but I also know that her teeth may be the least of it.

Keeping It Real.

I grew up in a working class home. Like many children I didn't notice money or the lack off, but I know now that we had less than a lot of my friends.
My children live a very charmed life.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this.

Parents often want to give their children a 'better' life - but what qualifies as 'better?'
I wonder what the effect of never being without has on my children.

I try to make sure that we get things based on need not want but of course want wins at times.
We talk about those who have less than us and do things that will help.

Nevertheless my children live in a beautiful, safe part of the world and have everything they need in abundance and many, many things they want.

In addition the husband and I want to live a great life and our children, inevitably, are a part of that.
Our recent trip to Mexico is an excellent example.
My vision was for a great 'bucket and spade' holiday where we spent lots of time together, played at the beach and swam.
We got that.

We also got upgraded on our flight, picked up in a private car at the airport and we stayed in a gorgeous resort with endless, food, drinks, ice cream and entertainment.
Money never changed hands as we paid up front so the kids never saw any transactions.
What are they learning from this?

At times, it really troubles me.
I have read "The Price of Privilege' - a great read by the way. I added a link if you're inclined.
I felt the need to balance the scales.

So, one morning we left the resort and got on the local bus into town.
My thought was the kids would see how the locals live in this area.
We would get hot and uncomfortable on the bus with no air conditioning and plastic seats (we did.)
This would help them appreciate the comforts they often have.

The seven year old made a friend on the bus and they chatted in first grade english/spanish.
The baby fell asleep.
The husband got hot and rolled his eyes a lot and I wondered if I should just accept that children maybe don't see things the way we grown ups do.

I will continue to remind my children of their abundance and the importance of serving others but maybe I can take a more relaxed approach in future.

Has Anybody Seen My Husband?

On one day during our recent vacation the husband over-indulged
on sun, pool-side Margaritas and swimming.

When we got back to our room he needed a nap.
I found him sleeping deeply when I went to get him for dinner.
I decided I would take the girls down to dinner myself.

This is 2010 - I am a forty something educated, western women.
We arrived at the host station.

"Where is your husband?" the host asked.

"Erm - he's in the room - why?"

"Will he be coming down?" she persisted.

"Erm - maybe?" I hedged.

We were shown to our table.
I will give you 100 pesos if you can guess the first question our waiter asked me.

Once we established we girls would be eating alone, I assumed the subject would be dropped.
Then I ordered a cocktail.
Apparently in Mexico a women 'alone' with her children should not order cocktails.

My fiercely independent self got irritated so I slugged my cocktail and ordered another.
Just for fun I asked for the wine list.
Eyebrows were raised.

If you know me you will know that by now I am enjoying myself immensely. (Aside from the cocktails.)
I am letting the children misbehave just to watch the wait staff get together and mutter.
Just as I was considering my third cocktail the husband appeared.

The look on the staffs faces can only be described as relieved.
What exactly were they thinking?

Did they think I had done him harm?
Was my reputation in jeopardy?
I felt like I was in a Jane Austin novel.

With my husband safely at my side the waiter offered me another drink.
When in Rome.......

Waiter!

When I was a kid we went on holiday on the same two weeks every year. It was called 'Trades.'
My Dad worked in a factory. All factories closed for the same two week period and all workers took their vacation then.
Mind boggling in todays 24/7 world.

We spent the first week at church camp, the second week we usually drove down to the south of England in search of the sun.
Most years we stayed in self-catering apartments.
One glorious year stands out.
We went to a hotel. With a pool! It was appropriately named The Palace Hotel.
It is a week burned in my memory.

It was the most magical wonderland I had ever seen. It was a victorian building that looked like a mansion house. The grounds were endless.
My sister and I made friends with all the other children and within five minutes we ran off in a pack.
We saw our parents for meals but otherwise we were in a wonderland of all day play and kid rules.

My daughter just had her Palace Hotel week.
The resort we stayed at was all inclusive. (The two most magical words a Scot will ever hear.)
She had a little bracelet on her wrist that meant she could order whatever she wanted.
She's seven. There was an all day dessert bar with ice cream. A 24 hour pizza kitchen.
Pool staff who would bring nachos on demand.
Then there was the swim up bar.

I sat at my first swim up bar when I was 38.
When I asked her where she was off to one day, she blithely stated,

"Oh, I'm just off to the bar with my friends, to get a drink."

Quick re-cap - SEVEN YEARS OLD.

"What kind of drink sweetie?" I ask with some trepidation.

"A Shirley Temple" she states with absolute authority.

I am both horrified and tinkled pink. They swim off. I walk around the pool to peek at my 'baby' sitting on a stool sipping her drink and giggling with five other kids.
I may not be the only one who wants to go back.

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Why are you still here??

Kid Class.

There's flying and there's flying with kids.
It's a plane divided.
You either are hoping there are no kids in your section or you're hoping that your kids will not destroy/disturb your whole section.

I have flown in both categories.
Let me make this very clear for those of you in any doubt.
We would ALL prefer not to fly with kids.
That doesn't mean we don't want to travel with our kids - we just want them to be tele-ported to the destination.

We flew to Mexico last week. It was a non-stop 3 1/2 hour hop.
We fly to the UK so this is easy for us.
Except for the fact that the baby is turning wonderfully two.

For those not in the know - this means she cannot sit still - not even for a minute.
It also means she cannot be occupied by books, drawing, toys, movies, music or anything else for more than ten minutes at a time.
There is one exception. The back of the seat in front.
A wonderland of discovery. The tray clip - ooooh the fun to be had.
The little net pocket, filled with intriguing things like headphones, a sick bag and magazines.
It's like Christmas morning - if you are two.

There is one problem with this - the occupant of the seat in front.
We encountered a curmudgeon.
She was glaring at us within minutes. The planes doors were not even closed.
This was going to be a long three hours.

We apologized, reprimanded (for her benefit) two year olds do not respond to reprimand.
We distracted, cajoled and switched seats (within our row.)
The two year old remained obsessed.

Sigh. I do care. I believe that lady had the right to not have her chair kicked and pulled on for the flight duration. I do.
I also believe that she had a cocktail, watched the movie and napped.
While I distracted, cajoled and juggled two children in a space no bigger than a broom closet.
Who do we think had the better deal?

I know the airline industry is struggling but is a kids soft play area too much to ask?
Surely there's room down there with the cargo?

Someone needs to pitch Mattel a fake plane seat back toy - it would make millions.
I'll settle for a finders fee.

Home And Away.

The first cup of tea made in your own kitchen after a trip - is heaven.
I had one of these divine beverages last night.
No matter how much fun you've had or where you've been - it's the perfect homecoming.

It had a lot to live up to.
For the last nine days I have been waited on hand and foot by waiters, pool boys, chambermaids and room service.
If you are in need of a vacation, I cannot recommend this place Velas Vallarta highly enough.
It was a dream come true for any parent.

We got home after nine hours of traveling. It was a relatively easy trip.
Non-stop flight. Calm baby and when I say calm - I really mean calmed.
Hylands Calms for Kids - I thank you. The outward trip was not so smooth but more on that later.

Walking in the front door was a clattering return to reality.
Nobody would be playing with my kids for hours, nobody would be offering me a drink or snack every 10 minutes.
Nobody would be making the beds, washing the dishes, cooking or cleaning. It's all down to me with help from the Husband when he's not at work. Ugh.

I WANT TO GO BACK.

I want to swim in the ocean and be given a towel and some ice water when I get out.
I want to lie under a cabana, sipping margaritas, while my kids are entertained at the kids club.
I want to eat dinner oceanside while the sun sets.

I know that I should just be very grateful that I got to go at all but seriously,
I WANT TO GO BACK!

Thank goodness for PG Tips.

Spring Break.

I'm taking one.

Tomorrow we jet off to a big pool and sandy beach.
I am sooooo ready.
I'll have a Margarita for you.

I will not have internet access.
Well I mean we're not going into the jungle so there is internet and computers but I will not be playing with them.
Hence the break in spring break.
I will miss you though.

In the meantime have a poke about my archives.

May I suggest:

Diving In.

What Not To Wear.

Ridiculous.

The Principal.

If you read one every other day I'll be back before you know it.

The Solution.

One of the most common complaints of parents is that they don't get any privacy in the bathroom.
It's something that most of us take for granted - until we have kids.

I have tried all sorts.
Asking for privacy - doesn't work due to the goldfish nature of children's brains.
Locking the door - not safe for little ones.
Might work for older kids but for me resulted in a child sitting weeping on the other side of the door.
This would be bad enough but she also asked every say, 15 seconds "Are you done yet, sniffle?"
Sigh.

I'm used to it now and for the most part - don't even notice anymore.
With one exception. A certain monthly event.
I really want privacy then.

I have tried putting out a treat and sneaking off.
Running to the bathroom that is furthest away - the baby likes to meander so it usually takes her a few minutes to find me.
Inevitably, I do not get the quiet moment I crave.

Yesterday I finally found the solution!
Go make yourself a cup of tea, then sit your self down and get really comfy.
This is life altering stuff.

The baby has a cold (again) her nose is running like a tap.
As we all know the dreaded tissue is guaranteed to make any kid run in the opposite direction.
That's it!!
When the baby came into the bathroom, I pulled out a tissue - she bolted.

When I heard her padding back in my direction I just had to say:
"Come and get your nose wiped" and she was off again.
Worked like a charm.

I have employed this tactic three times now and it has been foolproof.

Now, I know what your thinking.
What if your kid doesn't have a cold?
No problem - in my experience a wash cloth and the statement,
'Let's wash your face' will have just the same effect.

You're welcome.

Foolery.

For the first time, the seven year old is interested In April Fools Day.
VERY interested.

She spent Wednesday telling me her plans and went to bed giggling with glee at all the foolery she would accomplish.
VERY cute.

I woke her April 1st morning. As an aside - waking your child should be illegal. Since the clocks sprang forward she is often still asleep when we need to get up for school. Unless of course, it's the weekend in which case she will be bright eyed and bushy tailed by 6.30am.

Due to the sleepiness - I usually wake her then head downstairs to make breakfast and pack her lunch - while she wakes up.

She wandered in to the kitchen with tears streaming down her face.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I say rushing over to her.

"Well it's just, sob, well - I'm not having a very fun April Fools Day."

It's 6.58am.

I distract her with breakfast. In her lunch I label a container of her favorite snack as 'broccoli.' Inside the container I put a note inscribed with April Fool! and a smiley face.
Then I help her pull off an April Fool involving the husbands bathrobe.

She is still unsatisfied. Driving to the bus I hatch a plan.

"When we get to the bus - tell the driver we just got a call from the school and the school is closed because of a massive leak."
She is ecstatic!
I am sure that she will not be able to pull this off - she's too excited.

The Oscar goes to.....

Incredible. She fools the driver, three parents and all the kids.
Her delight is delicious.
I am a hero.

Crisis averted.