Giving Thanks.

As a foreigner in the USA - I always feel Thanksgiving is not my holiday.
I don't have that deep emotional attachment you likely have if it has been your tradition since childhood.
I do however LOVE this holiday.

The concept of getting together with friends and family to be thankful, is simply - lovely. Gathering around food is always a comfort for me.

So today, I will use this space to say what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for this blog. A place for me to go when parenting leaves me helpless with laughter, over-whelmed with love, spitting with frustration, tearful from exhaustion or feeling cut off from every day adult life.

I am thankful for you lovely readers. Your comments brighten my day.
The ascending hit counter makes me feel productive.

I am thankful for the community I have here.
I feel connected and supported.

I am thankful for my two beautiful girls who give me endless copy!

I am thankful for my trusty laptop.

I am thankful for my husband and our abundance.

I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and if is this is not your holiday either - wishing you a wonderful Thursday!

Go ahead and tell me what you are thankful for....

The Jacket.

The baby is into fashion. This comes as a huge surprise to me. I subscribe to the over busy mommy - ponytail, t-shirt and jeans style. She certainly doesn't get it from me.

She goes off to the bathroom gets a headband - she has no hair so this is particularly cute. Puts a handbag on her wrist, puts on her shoes (by herself - child genius) then comes to find me.
She then takes me to the front door and says "Go!"
It's very cute.
She even mixes it up by choosing different headbands or shoes.
Then there's the jacket.

We got the jacket in Canada. Actually Grandad got it for her Christmas but it was chilly so we got it out.
It's a cozy jacket. We live in California - my thought was we would use it for the rare cold days and when we go to the snow.
The baby has other ideas. She won't take it off.

She has napped in it. Eaten in it. She even tried to wear it in the bath - but I drew the line. That caused the classic tantrum which I really wish I could have filmed.
She lay down on the ground and thrashed her arms and legs. Then she stopped abruptly and looked up. Satisfied that I was indeed watching she resumed her 'tantrum.' Hilarious.
She particularly likes to wear it with nothing else on. A delight she discovered post bath. No need to point out to me that I gave in. She didn't wear it IN the bath - that was my victory....

Yesterday a new jacket came in the mail. Grandma sent it.
We have jacket confusion. The baby opened her parcel and squealed with delight. She put her new jacket on and paraded around. Then she stopped. She went to the hall and retrieved first jacket. She brought it into the living room. She put it on a chair and looked at it. She looked at me. What now?

She wasn't ready to take off her new prize possession but first jacket clearly still held great appeal. In the end she wore new jacket and dragged first jacket behind her, hugging it at various intervals.
If only we'd known this about her before she was born we wouldn't have bothered with teddy bears, blankets and the multitude of other snuggly things we have.
As it turns out a jacket can substitute for all these things - who knew?

Babysitter, Part Two.

Babysitting did not go so well. I guess that's all a matter of perspective. The babysitter is great. She plays piano and at bedtime serenades the six year old with a lullaby. We have an open plan house so the six year old gets into bed and the piano music drifts up to her. Lovely.

The baby was already asleep before the sitter arrived so she may have missed the concert.
She did however wake for a private recital. At 9pm.
She was still up at 11.30pm. It was at this point the sitter called me.
Sigh. I drove my gussied up, disappointed self home.

"Mama!" says a delighted little voice running down the hall to greet me.
It is now 12.15pm (I was a 40 minute drive away) and the baby looks bright eyed and bushy tailed.
The babysitter looks exhausted.
They have read books, played guitar, sang songs, danced and played. The babysitter dutifully tried to have her return to bed every 15 minutes but hey the baby's no fool.
She knows where the fun is.

I give her a bottle of milk and she's was asleep within 10 minutes of me getting home.
I paid the sitter extra for her trouble and she went home.
The husband stayed at the event so there I am over dressed, wearing make up (a rare occurrence) sitting on the couch alone with a cup of tea.
I try to picture it as a Cosmo but it's a futile endeavour.

I am disgruntled. I put my kids first most of the time and most of the time that's fine. Tonight was something I have been looking forward to for a while. I was there for two hours. The babysitter is happy to get extra cash. The six year old loves having her here. The baby had the time of her life and the husband gets to stay at the party. It's just little ole me who got the short end of the stick.

There was an upside. The baby slept until 8.30am. That's a gift that almost makes up for missing the fun. Almost.
I see a spa day in my future......

Babysitter.

One of the interesting things about parenting is the introduction of babysitters into your life.
I live half a world away from my nearest blood relative so babysitting usually involves a relative stranger (no pun intended.)

I spend most of my life consumed with the safety and well being of my babies but when I need/want to go out, I transfer their care to someone I barely know. I have a few sitters we've used for years but more often we get a year out of a sitter before they leave for college, get a job, move away etc. At least that's what they tell us...

We do try to use a sitter who has been tried and tested by friends. We do a basic interview. We try to have the kids meet her first so they can give their impressions.
Even with all this done - I leave the house thinking "What do I really know about this person?"

I believe in the law of attraction so I believe that if I believe in the good - good will happen. This has been working but it's still odd.

Despite specific instructions not to; babysitters have allowed my kids to watch TV, drink soda, stay up late, have ice cream or candy, use nail polish - I could go on.
You might be thinking I'm Amish. I'm not - it's just that we don't do these things at bedtime.

Some of my friends think I'm too Dickensian about it all.
"That's the joy of getting a babysitter - you break the rules."
I just don't see it that way. My kids are still little.
What is with the incessant rush to tweenage?
I just don't think my four year old needed to stay up late and have a sugar party.
(OK that was two years ago - I'm possibly not over it...)

Then there are the babysitters who downloaded stuff onto our computer. Had 'guests' over. Ate the entire contents of our fridge and left their dirty dishes. Not even in the sink, mind you. On the coffee table!
Those who were so soundly asleep we had to shake them awake. Those who sat in the dark because they couldn't find the light switch?!
Those who sat in the cold because they couldn't find the thermostat. Really? It's right there in the hall.
Those who don't show up. Aaaargh.
No wonder our social life is minimal.

We have had great experiences too but it just seems such a lottery. The wild part about it is that no matter how it goes - you still have to hand over an extra-ordinary amount of cash.
"Thank you for giving my kid a sugar high so that she didn't go to sleep until 11pm and will be hideously cranky all day tomorrow - here's $75."

We have a sitter tonight - I'll let you know how it goes.

Tea-asco.

Today I poured my entire 12oz cup of tea all over the interior of the six year old's school bus.
I didn't mean to - it happened when I set it down to help her with her seat belt.

I started to tear off my fleece to mop it up and then remembered that I didn't have anything else, besides a bra, underneath. (Long story.)

The husband's favorite sweatshirt was in his car (which I was driving) so it had to be the mop.

Let me re-cap. Irritated bus driver, embarrassed six year old, irritated husband and inappropriately dressed, tea-less mom. All before 7.35am.

Serenity now, Serenity now. Serenity now.

I tried to improve my parent rating by taking the baby to Jumping Jacks. You know the kind of thing. Community center hall filled with balls, slides, trikes etc.
She was unimpressed. Being the second kid she hasn't done a whole lot of this kind of thing and I swear her face wore a "Why are we here?" expression.

I honestly think she would rather have been at home cleaning her teeth. Yes, I said cleaning her teeth. It's an obsession.
Or
Trying to get a pen to draw with. We don't draw so much as reject the fabulous array of crayons, colored pencils and markers in favor of trying to get a ball point pen from mummy's desk.

Why not let her have the pen you say?
I'll tell you why - because drawing also involves ignoring any paper, pad or coloring book on offer, in favor of walls, clothes and furniture.

Maybe I'll 'accidentally' drop a ball point pen on the floor at Jumping Jacks next time and see how that goes...

p.s. If you like the Keep Calm and Carry on logo - go here:
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The Birds and Bees.

Last night I went to a lecture about introducing this hot topic to our kids.
Ugh. Do I really have to?
She's six.

The speaker was really great, covered the topic from every angle and answered some really difficult questions. I know you're going to have questions too.
Here's the main things I learned:

We need to stop calling 'it' her hoo hoo.

Six may be too early, a little late or right on time depending on your kid's curiosity levels, how much supervision you have of them and how much media they are exposed to.

Leaving a book on the topic in their room is not going to cut it. (Darn.)

It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the topic. What's not to love about talking about sex with a six year old?

What bothers me is what a knife edge the topic is.
You want to be honest and accurate but not tell too much too soon.
You want to stress privacy without creating shame.
You want to bring up the topic of safety but not burden with fear.

You also need to be ready to go from discussing sex to playing Candyland in a five minute time frame.

Yet again, I find myself wishing for a time warp where I can go to college, get a Bachelors in Parenting and reappear in my kids life as if I've never been away.

Now I just need to get her to not share her wealth of knowledge on the playground....

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like.....

First of all - I have heard from a few of you that the comments function is not working.
Blogger has been trying to fix it. I hope it works today!
If not - feel free to email me. My email is in the right hand column.
Now to business....

The Christmas tingle has started. Personally, I have a rule - no Christmas until December 1st. The stores did not get my memo. The supermarkets did not get my memo either.
The Christmas music is playing, the shops have trees in their windows and are full of Christmas food and decorations. I find it too much and I celebrate Christmas.

The Six year old however, LOVES it. She is on the third draft of her letter to Santa.
We have had to establish some guidelines.
Rule one: You may ask Santa for no more than three things.
Rule two: They need to be small enough to fit in his sleigh IE: no ponies.
Rule three: Writing three things in one sentence counts as three things not one.

We are trying to have a philosophy of less is more. Less commercialism, more tradition.
It's a lovely idea. The odds are stacked against me.
Even the postman is in on it. Yesterday he brought an American Girl catalogue.
Have you seen one? I'm a grown woman and I want at least twenty things in it.

Felicity Merriman may have the biggest stack of presents under the tree this year.
(Have boys? Go Google it and come back.)
You can choose everything for her from jewelry to furniture.

When I was a kid - there were no big toy stores. There was the toy department in big stores. We went there and looked in awe and wonder at the shelves. There was one type of train, one type of dolls house, one bear etc - you chose from that selection.
Now our children go to warehouses were dolls alone can have up to six aisles.
No wonder their wish lists are ten feet long - who wouldn't want it all?

Since they are barraged by images of all the wondrous toys and games there are from six weeks before the big day, how can we blame them for their enormous wants.
Couple that with the desire to see their delighted faces as they open their gifts, perhaps the wish to give what we ourselves didn't get - it's a very slippery slope.

For now I am resolutely standing firm at the top of that slope - but it is only November. Sigh.

I will continue with hand making some gifts. I will continue to talk to her about needs versus want, about abundance and limits.
I will also take her to the mall to sit on Santa's knee and help her mail her letter to the North Pole BUT not until December 1st.

Rock On.

So I think we can all agree that parenting is a non stop freight train of crazy situations. My oldest child is six so I've been doing this for a while. I was feeling like I had seen and done most things related to raising a little one. Until today.

The Baby and I had run through our list of things to do in the house - read books, played with farm and blocks, had a bath, had some lunch (well thrown it around our clothes and the floor) and tried on every pair of shoes - including Daddy's.
The Baby was showing signs of boredom. You know those signs - baby runs to the front door and says "bye bye" over and over. Subtle I know, but I'm not so sleep deprived that I didn't get it after 15 minutes.

Problem is it wasn't time for us to go - we had a half hour to fill.
So, I decided to turn on some music so we could dance.
We have this nifty thing on our cable called Toddler Tunes. It's actually really odd - it has lots of obscure (unheard of) artists singing tuneless songs about distinctly un-childlike things BUT it's easy so I turned it on - motherhood sometimes makes me lazy.

The tune that was playing was by a group called Rock Babies. It was an instrumental version of U2's 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'
Take a moment to absorb that.

Firstly, why? The kids are sick of the ABC song and are demanding more complex musicality?

Secondly, what exactly is the baby looking for? Her favorite toy? A snack?
A parent who takes the time to put on a CD rather than cable music?

Maybe it's just me but it cracked me up. I love U2 and this was the worst thing I've ever heard done to a song - including elevator 'muzak.'

Thought I'd share.

Skin Deep.

I need thicker skin. Do you think they'll be selling it on Amazon this Christmas?

I'm finding that being a parent requires rhino skin.
I used to think park politics were tricky. Now I'm dealing with the Six year old's volatile emotions, the Baby's tantrums and the hurt feelings of friends on play dates and at school. Couple that with a little monthly phenomenon we won't detail but will simply call 'Aunt Flo' and I am feeling emotionaly worn out. It feels like I need to be a psychologist. Here's the thing - I'm not a psychologist. I'm a mom.

I would like to give myself credit for being a thoughtful mom and I do have significant training and experience in psychology. However, in the face of the current barrage - I just want to crawl into my bed and be left alone.

It's hard to remember that when a child makes another child sad, it's not a fault.
As a good friend of mine likes to say - it's an opportunity!
We can all learn about our words and their repercussions together.
Or we can tantrum, feel bad and have a cupcake to cheer ourselves up. Not that I would ever do that. I would, of course, use each experience to learn and grow. I would remain calm. I would not take it personally and blow the whole thing out of proportion.

There just wasn't enough time between being a rebellious teenager, a single twenty something with nothing but herself on her mind, a married thirty something who wants to travel and live life to the max and becoming a parent, for me to deal with all of the emotions I unwittingly dragged with me.
I needed a two year time out to get my head sorted out in preparation for being challenged on a daily basis by children. I didn't get the memo.

So, while TV and magazines barrage me with products to keep my skin soft, pliable and younger looking - I'm looking to add big, thick, resilient layers. I wonder if I'm going to start a trend.....


On a much less self involved note. Today I would like to thank all those who serve and have served. Who give in a way I can only imagine and to their families and loved ones who support them and miss them - I am grateful.

The Principal.

Oh dear. I have been called to the principal's office. Let's face it - that's never good. I got a very nice message saying I needed to come to the Six year old's school and meet with her teacher and then the principal.

Try as hard as I may - I can't help feeling I'm in trouble.
I was the good kid in school. OK - let me be more honest about that. I was mostly good and a little bit devious - so I didn't get caught. I never saw the inside of my principal's office in six years of high school. As for grade school - I didn't even know there was a principal.

What can the Six year old have possibly done? As it turns out - not much but some feathers were ruffled and we needed to smooth them. Here's the problem - when I went to see the principal, the Baby had to come with me. In the middle of our conversation she went off to the corner. Uh oh - that can only mean one thing. Maybe not, I thought optimistically. Maybe she just saw something of interest there. Then there was the tell-tale red face and watering eyes. Yup - she was 'processing.'

We were deep in conversation so I didn't want to stop. This man's time is valuable and I may not get a chance to speak with him again for several days.
Then the odor hit my nose. It was a showstopper.
What's a mom to do?

I gamely tried to ignore the mounting pong but within minutes it was all consuming.
I muttered something about needing to change a diaper and the principal very generously commented that he has three children so he understood.
He did however open his window.
We continued our conversation but even with the window open the air became intolerable.
Was it just my imagination or was he turning a little green?
We concluded our chat and we made a hasty exit leaving our noxious memento behind to fade slowly.

Once the nuclear poo was dealt with I sat in the car thinking about the situation.
Once again parenting presents a ridiculous situation within which we need to handle ourselves with grace and eloquence against all odds.
I'm not sure I succeeded but on the upside maybe he'll think twice before calling me into his office again......

Out Sick.

Wouldn't it be ironic if I'm not (really) posting today because I have the swine flu?!

Well that's not the case but I do need a mental health day - so check in with me again tomorrow.......

Hype-odermic.

Several of you have asked me to write a post about the swine flu/H1N1 vaccine.
Many are wondering if they should get it. If it's safe. If it's necessary.
I think maybe there's the hope I'll give you the definitive answer you need.
I won't.

I am a health care professional with over twenty years (how is that possible?) experience. I am also a mom.

Here's what I know:

Statistics can be used to illustrate your point regardless of where you stand on the issue so are, to some extent, useless.

The media use sensationalized reporting because it generates job security.

Fear for our children's health and safety is overwhelming.

The vaccine reportedly takes two doses and 14 days to be effective in children.



Here's what I think:

Drug companies are for profit and are therefore unlikely to be objective.

Flu happens every year and people do die - it just hasn't always been reported in such detail.

People who have had flu vaccine can still get the flu.



Here's what my heart says:

As a parent you have to do whatever seems right for you and your family.

Doing your own research, rather than repeating what you have heard, is vital.

It is not helpful to criticize others for their choices.


Wishing you clear minds and peaceful decisions.

Wouldn't It Be Nice..

To:

Eat a meal while it is hot and take more than ten minutes to do so.

Drink our tea or coffee hot.

Use a toilet without having to flush the prior users contents first.

Not answer a question all day.

Sleep/Nap and wake up naturally.

Have a conversation with our partner without interruption.

Make phone calls without having to hang up mid conversation to deal with some 'emergency' like a broken crayon for example.

Go out showered, fully dressed (I'm talking bra here ladies), wearing make up AND with clean teeth. OK that's a stretch but a girl can dream.

Buy something without feeling guilty if it's not for the kids.

Make it through a day without feeling guilt.

Make it through an hour without feeling guilt.

Feel that everyone got enough of you today - including yourself.

Be selfish.

To have a day off, with pay. Actually make that get paid, period.

Not sound like our parents.

Not have that grass is greener feeling.

Read your favorite blog in peace!
See what I did there?
The Parenting Myth - making dreams come true since 2009.

Treat, Treat Treat.

Halloween provides fantastic people watching. You can learn a lot about your fellow parents.
There are the parents who are willing to dress up, those who will join in with a token gesture - say a witches hat or some devil horns and those who resolutely refuse.

The refusers tend to stand together discussing sports. The token gestures explain themselves by detailing how busy they have been and the dressed ups wonder if they look silly.
If only we had our childrens lack of self consciousness. They all seem delighted with their costumes no matter how simple or elaborate. If they compare it is with pride and compliments not derision.

While I did feel a little silly, I can highly recommend being Glinda for Halloween. It is impossible to be anything other than happy while wearing a pink glittery dress, a blonde wig and a crown.
In addition the Six year old was so in awe of the wonder of mummy as "a beautiful, pink witch" she did everything I asked of her all day.
The baby had no comment, but she didn't seem in the least bit fazed by the wig.

Assembled as the Cuddly (we took some poetic license there) Lion, Dorothy, Scarecrow and Glinda, if I do say so myself, we looked fantastic. I couldn't believe the Baby would actually wear her costume but she not only did - she shouted "RRRRargh" at regular intervals.

Trick or treating was the usual frenzy. Super excited kids darting from house to house. Parents desperately trying to keep track whilst constantly saying "Did you say Thanks?", "Don't eat too much candy.", "Stay where we can see you."

We went to an incredible neighborhood where most houses had circular drives and each household went all out. My favorite was a Day of The Dead themed house. The candy was in a 12 foot skull, they had a Mariachi band and memorial tables for MJ and Farrah.
It was like a mini carnival.

The Six year old concluded her evening by counting and sorting her haul at the end of her bed. The Baby had been satisfied with one lollypop. Dorothy and the Lion were asleep within minutes of their heads hitting their pillows.
Leaving Glinda and The Scarecrow to Treat themselves to a well deserved glass of wine and a few 'borrowed' selections from the Six year olds bag...