Mom's Rock!

Today I juggled the 10 month old and the Five year old through various activities.
It started with the 7.30am (!) school bus run.
The baby usually stays home for this but Daddy had to go to work early.

It ended with me trying to look after myself with a trip to the chiropractor.
(Child birth and breast feeding are the biggest insult to the human skeleton I have experienced and I have been less than kind to my body over the years.)
I was feeling very proud of myself for coping with my day so well.

Then we went to the market.

There she was - Mom of the Year - casually filling her cart.

It was one of those carts with the toy car on the front.
In the cart were two kids under five.
In the kid seat of the cart was a baby, maybe 14 months old, fast asleep.
SuperMom was using one arm as a cushion for baby's head.
With the other one arm she was pushing and filling her cart.
This was impressive enough but then I saw her in the parking lot.
Cart full of bags, toddlers still in toy car and baby asleep on her shoulder.
AMAZING.
She hadn't even asked for help out AND she was smiling.

It just got me thinking about mom's. How they juggle so many things every day.
How they try very hard to do it with a smile.
I know Dad's do too but for today I just want to acknowledge amazing mom's everywhere.

Why?

- When I tidy up toys at night is there always ONE block missing?
Never the same block.

- Do you discover you are out of diapers at 10pm at night?

- Do kids always get sick at 6pm on a weekend day?

- When you take your kids to the pediatrician are they suddenly better?

- Do they also get sick on the one night you have a babysitter?

- Is the babysitter more expensive than dinner and a movie?

- Are the things you really need in the other car?

- Is the baby loud in the library and quiet at the park?

- Is parenting the most happy, silly, Mount Everest type experience there is?

For Me to Poop On!

My thanks to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog for the title.

Why do diapers have characters on them?

Firstly, do the good people at Sesame Street and Disney know what is done in a diaper?
Why do they want Elmo and Mickey defaced this way?

Secondly, what is the marketing ploy?
Do they honestly think a three month old is going to intimate their character preference to their primary diaper purchaser?

Thirdly, what is the purpose?
At first I thought it was to help me find the front of the diaper. But no, there's a character on the back too.
Give a sleep deprived parent a break here.

Does it actually work? Do you purchase diapers based on your favorite cuddly critter?
(Just to save you the trouble of emailing - I do know there are many, often eco-friendly, character free diapers on the market.)

Doesn't it just raise the cost of diapers?
oh......

Five Year Old Sitter

I discovered something today. Five year-olds do not make good babysitters.
I'm thinking that many of you will not be surprised by this. I, however was.

My five year old LOVES her baby sister. She asks what 'jobs' she can do to help me with Jnr. all day long.

She helps with diaper changes. (Mostly so she can comment on the color and smell of the contents!)
Assists with feeds and baths. Runs to get clothes and binkies. No job is too dull. It's amazing. I fully expected the novelty to have worn off months ago.

So imagine my surprise when all of sudden the loving care just ground to a screeching halt.
I needed to take a shower. It had been a few days since my last one (Insert your poor British hygiene joke here.)
So, I put baby in her crib with a big pile of toys and asked the five year-old to sit nearby with her book.
"Yes mummy" she said with pride "I can do it."
"Come and get me if she's crying, OK?"
I jump in the shower.

If you are a parent you will know that the shower becomes one of your favorite places in the world.
(Assuming you are getting to take one without children.) It's indulgent and luxurious. It doesn't ask anything of you but makes you feel good all over. It's a place to think independent adult thoughts. Relax, cry or just veg.
I turn the shower of feeling rejuvenated.
Then I hear the screaming. Full on, blood curdling, screaming. I bolt into the bedroom, naked and dripping.
A million catastrophic scenarios racing through my head.

There in her crib is the 9 month old, purple faced with tears flying out of her eyes at a 90 degree angle. There's no blood, or any other apparent problem.
Sitting calmly at the foot of the crib is the five year-old reading. READING!
Not even aware of the distress one foot above her. How is this possible?
"What happened sweetie?"
"Huh?" (Education paying off there.)
"The baby is crying."
"Oh"
Oh? OH?! "Didn't you hear her, didn't I ask you to come and get me?"
"I was reading."

With those three words all became clear to me. She was busy, engrossed even. Her charge forgotten.
Five year-olds have the attention span of a gnat - I had forgotten.
Her pride and interest in her task had worn off before I even applied the shampoo.
She literally didn't hear the cries.
Lesson learned, back to showering at night when the husband is home......

Second Kid Syndrome.

When I was in college, I used to decorate my drab apartment walls with cards and postcards. One of my favorite was a picture of a 1950's housewife with a thought bubble declaring "Oh My God! I left the baby on the bus!" I thought it was hilarious. If you're familiar with the Law of Attraction - you might guess where I'm going with this.

For the record, my second kid was much wanted, much anticipated and is much beloved. I have been enjoying second kid syndrome. I am much more relaxed. I feel (a little bit) like I know what I'm doing. Tears, diaper rash, bruises and fevers are not nearly so intimidating. I have loved being able to just be with this child without constantly looking for something worrisome.
I have also taken many less photos, shot much less video and forgotten to write down the date she achieved milestones. In my new incarnation as a mother who is not going to feel guilty (all the time) I have realized that this is OK.
But then I left her in a shop.

It's true. I left my beautiful, sweet and tiny baby in a shop. I called for the five year old and boldly strode out the door.
In my defense, I had the husband with me. He didn't get her either. We also didn't get more than a few steps down the street before I said "Where's the baby?" Scarlet faced we rushed back into the shop. There she was blissfully unaware of her abandonment. Sitting in her stroller looking at the nearest shelf of interesting things.

I cried. I beat myself up for several hours. I ranted, about how WE WOULD NOT fall into the trap of complacency. That second kid syndrome was a choice and we were not going to make that choice. My husband wisely got me coffee and a scone.
I am a second child. So is my husband. We both turned out OK. As long as I don't keep leaving her in shops - I'm sure the nine month old will too.

When I am a Parent, I Will Never.......

It's almost laughable when I think about all the things I could have added to the end of that sentence pre-babies.
Interestingly, I thought of a whole new list between child one and child two.
You know how we all watched other parents before we had our first kid and silently made (judgemental) notes on their behavior.
"I won't ever use pacifiers, formula, let my child play with (suck on) toys then not buy them" etc.
Then there's the classics - I will never say "Because I said so; my house, my rules or when you pay the bills you can make the rules."

So now that I have already blown my first parent resolutions, I have swiftly moved onto the second list.
This one is based around the sage advice that you should never compare your children.
I completely agree.
Why is it then, that I find myself comparing them at least every 10 minutes or so.
At first I used to feel the (mother of all) guilt everytime an involuntary comparison slipped out. Then I thought about it.
I'm not actually comparing them. I'm comparing my experience of parenting them.

For some reason - I'm surprised every time it's different. You may wonder if I am aware that my children are two different people - I am. I just expected them to behave the same way.
You may also wonder why I am still surprised after 9 months.
Well, it may have something to do with my AWOL brain but more likely it's because old habits die hard.
I'm used to the five year old. I know what to expect. The nine month old to quote Forrest Gump's momma - 'is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.'
So what have I learned? Well for one thing - never say never.
I've also learned that it's all very well that I've worked out why I'm comparing but that makes no difference to the kids.
They simply hear the constant comparison.
So, with great difficulty - and if you know me you know how GREAT that difficulty is,
I am learning to keep my comparisons to myself.

Ten Reasons to LOVE Being a Parent

As we celebrate love today, I thought of the things that keep me going as a parent.
It's easy (for me) to focus on what is difficult/exhausting/frustrating about parenting. So for today at least, I will focus on the 'Golden Moments' that make it all worthwhile.

1. Blowing raspberries on the silkiest tummy skin.

2. Holding a tiny hand in yours.

3. A gummy smile in your direction.

4. Any art made by your child.

5. Creating a shampoo mohawk.

6. Sharing an ice-cream or a cookie. Even better if you made the cookie together.

7. Splashing in puddles or the sparkly blue ocean.

8. An unsolicited "I love you."

9. The sound of your child's laughter.

10. Snuggling up on a rainy day to read a book.

Take some time this day to make your own love list.

Splitting

If you have ever studied psychology you might be familiar with this term. If you are a parent you are very familiar with the behaviour, you just might call it by another (less polite) name.
Last night I went out with some friends to celebrate my recent milestone birthday. Is it wrong to have a birthday month?
I had been gone from my home 15 minutes and at the table for 5 when my friend's cellphone rang. Being a conscientious mother she had her phone on the table - mine was deep in my purse.
"Oh, hi there, do you want to talk to your wife?" It was my husband. I quickly retrieve my phone and see FOUR missed calls and two voicemails - uh oh. My husband is not a panicker. So, with a little trepidation, I take the phone.
Him: "Honey, the five year old tells me she didn't get any dinner?" Sigh.
Me: "That's not true - she had pizza AND a cheese sandwich AND a cookie"
At this point my ever supportive girlfriends are falling sideways off their chairs.
Me: "Well if she's still hungry go ahead and make something for her but I think she might just be trying it on - ask her what she's hungry for."
I quite clearly hear the answer in the background. "Ice-cream." Hmmm.
I am torn with feeling proud of her for trying to wangle a treat and feeling maligned that one; she would tell her Daddy I didn't feed her and that two; he would even feel the need to check.
I'm Scottish - we over feed as a national pastime.
I make a mental note to add some additional instructions for babysitters and order a Cosmo.

Ten Questions.

The mind of a five year old is an amazing thing.
It can cause exhaustion but never seems to get tired itself.
It can astound, confuse and amuse all within one minute.
It sometimes seems to belong to a 40 year old.
It can masquerade as a scientist, biologist, humanist or clown.
It is a thing of wonder.

Here are ten questions from the mind of my five year old that I never imagined I would have to hear or answer:

1. How are babies made?

2. What happens when you put a penny up your nose?

3. Can you help me wipe?

4. Can I eat my booger?

5. What is God?

6. Why don't we live near our family?

7. Why do teeth fall out?

8. Do my toys come alive when I leave the room?

9. How much ice cream can you eat before you'll get sick?

10. How much do you love me?

Interestingly, she seems to do a lot of her thinking in the car.
I have found myself driving towards a hedge, more than once, as I burst out laughing or struggle to answer a sincere but silly question.
The responsibility of helping to form a little mind is terrifying.
My irreverent British humor is always the first thing to pop into my head.
Is Monty Python an acceptable parenting model?

The Mother of all Guilt

My friend and I have a parenting mantra - 'Everything in moderation.'
What this means to us is this:
A little sugar, a little media, a little naughtiness and a little discipline and your child will hopefully grow into a balanced, autonomous being.
Why is it then that we mothers can only experience a lot of guilt?
No matter what we do it comes guilt attached.
When we are home making cookies with our children we worry it's too much sugar.
When we are out, we worry we didn't dress them properly and that they are too hot/cold/wet/muddy.
When we carefully pack their lunch boxes we worry that the meal is not balanced enough.
Forgetting sun-block, worrying about the number of hours spent in daycare or with a sitter, being too tired for two stories at bedtime, not having their favorite t-shirt clean - the list is endless.
What's the cure?
How about we cut ourselves some slack. Lets try going for a passing grade rather than an A+.
Seriously, let's all agree to stop overachieving and just try to be human. Let's allow ourselves missteps, mistakes, bad moods, forgetfulness, fatigue and all those other human attributes we were allowed before we were parents.
For a real novelty let's allow ourselves to be sick when we are.
Try it. Encourage your friends to slack off a little and let's see where it gets us.
Send me your (lower) test scores.

A Toast!

Today whilst driving and possibly daydreaming a little - a lovely 'kidspeak' memory popped into my head and I thought I'd share it with you.
Recently good friends of ours had a much anticipated baby. We had just completed the dinner, bath and bed routine with the five year old when the phone rang. A very proud and happy Dad shared the good news.
We were so excited by the news that we decided to celebrate. We called the five year old back downstairs and said we were going to do a toast. We happened to have some champagne in the fridge. So we poured some juice in a glass for the five year old, some champagne for the grown ups and gave the baby the cork to chew on.
We had a lovely moment sending a wish to the new baby, clinking glasses, dancing around and just generally being delighted.
Finally it was time to settle down and walk the five year old back up to bed. On the way I noticed she was crying.
"What's wrong?" I asked. "Aren't you happy about the new baby?"
"I am." Said she. "It's just you said we were having toast and I didn't get any!"

Gratitude and Wonder

I attended a lecture last night with a very interesting man named Dennis Klocek. He wears many hats but one is a lecturer for a Waldorf (Rudolf Steiner) School. My five year old attends a Waldorf-inspired school and this lecture was part of the parent education programme. Figuring that any kind of education for my addled brain can only be good, I set off despite fatigue at the end of a long week.
Two hours later, my brain was sore from the effort of trying to keep up with this learned man. Remember, 'Mr. Brown can Moo! Can you?' is about my speed nowadays. My heart and soul however were rejuvenated. The lecture topic was 'Nature and Sensory Experience in Children.' We were going to explore what impact technology has had on imaginative play. Mr. Klocek certainly addressed that but other themes came forth. Our children's future with the isolating trends of computers, cell phones and video games. The climate, natural resources, over population, over consumption - I could go on.
These topics can be overwhelming to a parent. Is technology good or bad? Do my children and their children have a terrible future because of global warming and wars over oil?
Didn't I mention I felt rejuvenated? I did and here's why. Rather than focus on the controversy or doom and gloom, Dennis had a very simple approach. Gratitude and Wonder. It's based in a 'one consciousness' theory but wherever you sit on that particular thought - gratitude and wonder are just plain lovely. Especially to children. What harm can there be in teaching a love of our world and appreciation for one other? Something you can do regardless of religion, race or culture.
The suggestion is that when you are doing something that might make your Eco-guilt rise up, let's say pumping gas into your SUV, you think about your gratitude for the pump, the gas station, the tanker that brought the gas, the refinery, and finally the earth that gave up the oil in the first place. Simple. (The Brit in me can't help but picture the brilliant Monty Python 'When I were a lad" sketch!)
As for wonder, take your children into nature as often as possible and rather than pack a big bag of toys just let them explore it with their senses. If we can instill a love of our world to our children perhaps they will inherently want to look after it. Perhaps they will inherently reduce, re-use and recycle. Perhaps they will use (inevitable) technolgy in a brilliant way to aid the earth and it's resources.
Giving my children a nature based childhood - seems the best way to pass on what I loved about childhood. I Know there are many wonders in movies , computers and other technologies but they can wait until my child is a little older. Thinking back - I didn't have these things in my life until I was ten or so. Until then, I had spent many long summers digging in the dirt, fishing with a stick and a piece of string and making pies from mud, rocks and leaves.
Makes me want to go and find my wellies....

Are all East Coast Mothers Superhuman?

Do children east of the Mississippi have a higher incidence of motor difficulties?
I ask because I just took my children to the snow this past weekend. We live in a sunny part of the world where winter rarely calls for more than a fleece. Being from Scotland, I decided I needed to celebrate my recent milestone birthday in the snow.

In preparation, I set off for the local REI and purchased some oh-so-cute little snow outfits. Finally the big weekend arrived and we set off.

After unpacking the car - we could hold back the five year old no more. We began the 40 minute process that is getting ready to go out and play in the snow.
Everyone looked adorable in hats with sweet little ear flaps, coordinating gloves, pink fluffy boots and puffy snow pants and jackets. Puffy. It's a light, airy sort of word, suggesting clouds or marshmallows. Why is it then that my kids can hardly move?

The nine month old is completely immobile. Arms stuck out from her body at 90 degree angles. Unable to bend in the middle. When we sit her on the snow she immediately, falls over, rolls over and is stuck there like a beached whale. Our five year old fares better but still finds it hard to reach her arms above her head or walk with a stride wider than six inches. Kids that live in this weather must use at least 50% less of their range of motion during the winter months. Has anyone studied the long term effects of this?

Sledding, as it turns out, does not need much movement of the limbs. We manage an hour of fun. Then are derailed by a bathroom break.

Frantically trying to remove 5 layers of clothes is exhausting. Then you have to put it all back on. Repeat this for lunch and another bathroom break (or two) and you've completed a marathon. Are all east coast mothers superhuman?

Is this why, when we make snowmen they don't have arms or legs? Were the first kids to make a snowmen simply reflecting how they felt - limbless?

Why can't snow gear be thin and warm? I found out on day two of our trip when my five year old and her friend suddenly veered off the sled run and bounced off a tree - padding!!